Aka Aka woops Aka Aka Aka Aka

AFL...Just when you thought it was safe to go back into Aka's Herald Sun column...it's not! Jason Akermanis (A.K.A: Aka) has decided to advise AFL players to stay in the closet. Using his vast knowledge of Gay issues (pffffffffft) Aka has warned of the dangers of coming out in an AFL environment, or the dangers according to him and his stupid miss match goatee.

After setting back movements several thousand years, we wern't quite sure who to blame, Aka or the News paper. He says he's innocent, and blames creative writing, yet he still defends the comments made in the article??? If you can call defending saying a whole bunch of crap only Aka understands. It looks like the original article, and the final copy are worlds apart, and the AFL don't want anything to do with it...Smart move!

Aka's big mouth almost overshadowed Friday night footy's biggest blockbuster! It was first vs 2nd and the Moon dog was howling in his 200th game! 3 goals and a million goal assists. Stokesy also chipped in with a hand 3. If it wasn't for bad kicking by the Pies the game may have been closer, but the Cats still finished with 6 more scoring shots, and are now Premiership favourites!

'Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww':

Freo score a big win at the scary SCG ground. We almost forgot all about their drug scandal...almost.

Some parts of Barry Halls game still lingers at the Swans:

Essendon are back in town, but em, it is only Richmond they beat.

Can you smell what the Spike is cooking?:

It was a thriller on Saturday night, with Melbourne winning by a point over the favoured Port Adelaide.

The Dees finally win away, and lose ten Kilo's in the process up in Darwin:

Brisbane have suffered close to the ultimate embarrassment, losing to Adelaide!? Can things get any worse for Fev n Browney?

At least buy me dinner first!:

It is now official that Carlton are dating Katy Perry, running hot and cold from week to week.

If you can string three in a row, then we will shake with fear Hawks!:

Everyone says Luke Hodge should be the captain of Hawthron, but most people at the club know why he isn't. And no we can't say cause we don't want to get sued!

Sometimes words can't describe a situation, so it's best to sit back, relax and enjoy the "Barry'o thon". And for once this one wasn't Barry's fault! he was minding his own business, tieing his showlace, when he was attacked by a North Melboourne pest. Eades comment 'Barry needs protection', sounds funny out of context:

would you poke a snake?:

Down we go:

4 guys still can't get him off!:

whaaa, Im innocent, he just ran out of breath!:

And Barry has only excaped with a fine! Thompson escaped with a bad case of the shits.

Soccer...The socceroos were in Melbourne to play New Zealand at the MCG. It was a win for the Aussies ahead of their World cup match in Durban next month. Surprising when it looks like Harry was the only one at training.

Inter Milan beat Bayern Munich 2-0 to win the UEFA Champions league, and a trophy bigger than their bodies!

Cricket...South Australia beat the West Indies in their 1st ODI by 66 runs in Antigua. Deviliers and Amla both scored a massive 102 each in a rain reduced match. Morkel took 3 for 40 from 8 overs, while Mclaren and Botha scored 2 wickets each.

They don't look that much alike for twins?? ;-):

New Zealand beat Sri Lanka in a historic match on USA turf. 15 million Americans tuned in for the s0/s0 match in an attempt to revive the sport in the USA. The cricket experiment failed there in the 90's, but experts are hoping it can take off again as soon as we clearly explain the rules of the game to the Yanks :-S.

NRL...The Warriors and South Sydney provided match of the round, with NZ winning 26 to 24. Canberra Milk Raiders provided the upset beating top of the table Dragons.

Battle of the Helmets:

State of Origin teams were selected for the big QLD vs NSW clash. highlights of the NSW team include Gidley, Morris, Kimmorley, Hayne, Creagh, White and Watmough. The highlights of the Queensland team include the ENTIRE TEAM! Good luck against half the Melbourne Storm, and throw in BOyd, Folau, Lockyer and Thurston!

all that and more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.



Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).

The ultimate in sport: BACK 2 BACK!

F1...AFL is getting bumped again for the most awesome of achievements!..For a while we weren't sure if Mark Webber was going to win a GP at all, and now he has won 2! In a row!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We all remember his reaction from his first GP win last year, but it's so
good we need to re-cap!: 'yesssssssssssssssss yes yes yes you f*&$#&n beauty yessssssssssssss, yes yes'.

His first win this year, Mark didn't say a thing! But this time he was cool, calm and satisfied! They say winning the Monnaco GP is like winning two! So guess that makes 3 wins for Mark this year then!

Mark avoided a late collision and survived 4 safety cars to take home a steady win on the toughest track. He now moves to the top of the drivers Championship, and Red Bull goes to the top of the constructors over Ferrar, oh yeah and he also moves to the top of the awesomeness table!

AFL...Hot Pies, Cold Dockers! Match of the round turned out to be a blowout for the Pies! They smashed a good team and set up a massive clash with the Cats on Friday night Football! The Cats should actually be worried, as Travis Cloke is actually hitting some targets now!







The Cats went up to Brisbane, without Ottens, and Corey, and still smashed Brisbane by 80 points! Stokes was back, and dropping sitter with his normally vice like hands. Tomohawk was thrown into the ruck to gain confidence, and kicked a few goals along the way. Fev and Brown were a little off with injury, but Johno was kicking them over his shoulder from all corners of the ground...blindfolded!



Get your hands off me!:





The Roos were in the middle of their own smashing...before the Crows decided to give them a heart attack and kick the last 7 goals of the match! The Roos held on by 8 points, and just held on to their dignity by beating the second worst team in the land. Actually we are yet to see Hawthron v Adelaide, so hold that thought ;-).





You beauty! The baby Bombers beat the Saints again! The Bombers said they accidently threw their rucks forward and they accidently kicked a bag of goals. Guys, you don't say it was a fluke, you say it was all part of the master plan!





Oh k it was a tight struggle between the Blues and the Power. But the game would've been more thrilling if the players didnt stop to make a human pyramid. The Power took off in the 3rd quarter, but the Blues game plan held strong. Even the lgalloping dinosaur Kreuzer chipped in with a hand.



Footy game or a game of twister?:

We thought we had seen battle of the losers, but we were wrong! The Hawks had their hearts in their mouths as the officially worst team in the land, decided to challenge them for the points. If you look closely, you can almost see Brad Sewell poo his pants in this picture. And even with the win there must've been little satisfaction by the 3 point margin...tsk tsk Jeff.

Nothing better than beating your old side, right Barry? If thats what he says then we won't argue with him. Bad Baz kicked 5 goals against the Swannies, who were without both their ruckman. Pretty sure Barry thinks they would've won anyway if they were playing.

cop it swannies! smiling assassin:

Not only did the Eagles win, but they won away! Jack Watts returned for the Dee's for the most underwhelming comeback in history. He does have precision though, so we expect good things in 5 years! LeCra and Kennedy were at it again with a couple of goals each. The Demons are becoming so unpredicatble, even they don't know which day they will bring it on :-S.

Tennis...The two big Tennis guns went at it again in the final of the Madrid masters. Clay king Nadal beat the man Roger in the final. His knee must be feeling a bit better since the Aussie open, either that, or Rog just hates clay!

On Monday night football, the Eels took on the highly favoured Manly, and won! With the lull before Origin starts, most teams were back to normal. St George and the Storm were back on the winners list. The Baby Broncos beat the Titans 28-6! mystifying everyone again, and keeping Alfie off the table, thank hell!

The Storm have decided the Leagues punishments, in a bid to get their points back in the 2010 season. phone and email records of the leagues boss and News Limiteds chief will be summoned in court. And while waiting for a positive result for the Storm, we will all sit back and watch pigs fly!

Ok so our Men lost the 20/20 world cup to the Poms...moving right along, our girls New Zealand yayyyyyyy! go girls! Perry took 3 wickets as our men cheered them on. At least we found a use for our boys afterall. D Hussey tried to save us with 59, but it was all too late.

Pakistani skipper Danish Kaneria was arrested after a betting investigation. Kaneria allegedly placed a bet on an International game, and is now facing Jail time. Ouch! It really isn't safe to go near the pokies!

Can Chelsea win anymore tournaments! Probably! After winning the EPL and the FA cup, they are ready to take over the World! We almost forgot that there was the Champions league going on with all the winnningness! Drogba as usual was leading the charge. We're not mentioning his first name cause it's damn ridiculous!

all that and more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

Peace out*.

*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).

Betting scandals, corruption and scary $6 dollar bets

AFL...The league was hit with not one, but two scandals this week! The first involved staff and umpires betting on AFL games. It was discovered that quite a few individuals, risked their careers, by making bets no more than $10! If you're gonna get caught, you might as well make it worth it guys! The AFL named and shamed those involved, but have come under fire for this. They seem to be more leanient when it comes to drug cheats in the game, allowing them three strikes before taking action. Yet if you put 50 cents on the Roos, you're going down and everyones gonna know about it!


The second scandal involved accusations that players from the Bombers and the Saints, had taken money from a charity! They did some work for the Unity foundation, and were actually paid! The Storm from the NRL were also linked to the scam, as part of the Salary Cap investigation, so the whole situation reeks of dodgyness. It looks like we're not paying our athletes enough these days, they want more!



We all nearly had a heart attack on Friday night footy again! The highly favoured Dogs were 9 points down with minutes left, and no tip was safe! It also wasn't safe to wear pink and blue as the umpires found out. Their umpire uniform was almost the same as Melbournes, causing serious cases of mistaken identity! The Dee's were actually handballing it to the Umps! And some say helped the Dogs over the line.





Put your superman capes back on, it's seriously wharfie time! Freo havn't just won 3 in a row, they've won nearly every single match. This was their first win at the Gabba, setting up a 1st vs 2nd clash with the Pies this week! Captain Pavlova was on fire, and is now being talked about in the same category as Johno Brown. Not the best time to be compared to Brown though, as he's groin is damgaed and he's running like a busted ass!


Port scored a thrilling win over the Dons, who hit the lead half way through the last quarter...for the one-zillionth time in the match. It almost looks like they could make the 8 some time in the next millenium!


The Monday night football experiment continued with a shock loss to the Saints! The Blues didn't just beat them, they smashed them sideways, and in all directions. With Riewoldt missing, it's starting to look like a bad case of onemanshow-itis. The Blues small forwards are now being called 'Setantas little helpers'. But when in comes to kicking team mates in the head, he looks like he's managing fine on his own.

The match of the round was underwhelming to say, if you're not a Cats supporter. After half time Geelong came out and taught the Swans a serious lesson: Don't leave the J-Pod alone, or he'll bag 5! Pods is in line for the coleman, but experience shows that old bodies + being thrown into the harsh AFL seniors environment = pull a hammy right before the finals :-(. hoping this is not the case though.

Battle of the losers was an enthrawling battle in Adelaide....well, for 3 and a half quarters, it was on! The Tigs were looking strong but as usal faded in the last quarter. The skill errors were almost unbelievable, but what did we expect from the bottom of the ladder? The siren was accidently pushed 7 seconds too early in the 2nd quarter, obviously he was overwhelmed with excitment and fell asleep. Either that or he just couldn't wait for the pain to be over!

Oh yeah, did we mention the Crows won! They are now kings of the losers!
Hawthorn continue their poor form with lack of Mo-Jo. The President says they are dwon in the dumps, but we just think they have caught Beber fever!

F1...'Yes yes yes yes yes f*&k yesssssssssssssssssssss you F*%$*n beauty!'...thats what Mark Webber said when he won his first GP last year...This is what he said in Spain last week: '... '. You could tell he was over the moon! Well we were anyway for him. Our Aussie boy moves up the Championship table, closing in on teammate Vettel.

The rest of the field pulled a Bradbury, as poor Lewis Hamilton flew off the road with a puncture on the last lap. Alonso was promoted to 2nd and Vettel 3rd. Most of the new teams were a lap behind the rest and not making for a thrilling race! Bring back the rocket button we say!

Yeah hawwwwwwwwwwwww!:

NRL...The Aussies beat the Kiwis at the new "AAMI Park' on Friday night, 12 to 8. The Stadium had a nice artistic roof, but unfortunatley, by design fault it didn't cover anyones heads! And of course it had to rain. it looked more like a Golf ball cut in half, modeled on the odd Spencer street station design.

In City vs Country, Country prevailed 36 to 18, with young scoring 2 tries for the winners

There was a week of upsets with the Dragons losing to the Sea Eagles, and the Storm suffering their first loss since the salary cap scandal broke, to the Baby Bronco's!. Clearly the players are tired from representing their Country, as theres no way either of them could lose on a good day this year! Israel Folau is still undecided whether he will play AFL or Union next year, but will decide in the next couple of weeks.

The Titans played a thriller with the Knights, and just pipped them by 2 points. Thankfully some order was restored to the Rugby Universe. They are now second on the ladder.

Cricket...The 20/20 world cup is well udnerway! England have beaten South Africa by 39 runs, but it makes sense seeing as they have stolen most of their players from SA!

Australia won their match against India by 49 run. Warner was on fire with 72 from 42 balls! And 33 year old Victorian Nannes took 3/25! Our women has a win over South Africa in their comp. A female batswoman has also scored the fastest ever century by anyone in a 20/20 tournament. Let's see you beat that 'Mr Cricket!'

Soccer....Huge week in the EPL with Chelsea pinching the title from Man U! Chelsea only needed one more Victory to clinch the title, and Man U needed them to lost to win it! High tension in Pommy land! Portsmouth have been relegated, and Tottenham have been promoted to the Champions league.

all that and more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.


Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).

The Calm after the Storm..more puns to come!

NRL...A week after the Storm were stripped of everything, the players defiantly vowed to take pay cuts to stay together. But the NRL have decided that no player is allowed to play for less than they are worth, and will not let the team keep any shred of their dignity. The League were not prepared for this kind of situation, afterall, who would want to play for less money??? Guess they didn't see this situation coming :-S. But unless they define a clear figure for each player to earn no less than, who's business is it of theirs if Greg Inglis and Billy Slater want to live on baked beans for the rest of their lives???? hrrrrrrrrm?

Not only have they lost their Trophy's, but all major sponsors have dropped off the band wagon as well. All giant signage was wuickly removed from the Storm head quarters. Jokes on them, the publicity they would've got from this would put all their distant relatives through college!

Moves have already started with Brisbanes Folau (former Stormer) leaving the club and reported to be heading to the Rebels Rugby Union team....or is he???..The AFL have offered him 3 million for 3 years to switch codes. It would be insane if he was earning more than Gary Junior! Especially since he may not even be able to kick!


As punishment for flirting with the enemy codes, Folau has been left out of the test team for the Big Aus V NZ game this week. Im sure the team will be ok with Inglis, Slater, Smith and Cronk to keep the other boys company. But everyone want to know, how will the new Stadium go on Friday night? Will it be a triumphant success, or just an artistic eye-sore to match spencer street station?...And hopefully we win again too :-P.

AFL..Without doubt the weirdest game of footy inthe modern era, and the most frustrating. The Bulldogs were in front for the whole game, except for the last few minutes. To cap it off, there was hardly any scoring for the whole match. The Dogs burnt themselves out going nowhere, while the Saints just flooded, waited for the Dogs to run out of breath, then moved in for the kill.

If you can't beat us without Riewoldt and Gram, you never will!!!!:

havn't Richmond suffered enough??? ...Guess not. The Cats have inflicted the largest defeat of the season with a 108 point victory over the Tigs. Even the kids got in on the goals with Mitch 'Slam Dunk' Duncan kicking a couple. The main aim for Richmond this year has really been to keep all defeats on them, no greater than 60 points, so it looks like its back to making small goals instead!...baby steps. As our good friend Jeff Probst would say after a challenge: 'Tigers, I got nothing for ya, head back to camp, see you at tribal', where you will all be voted out

If you can't beat us without Gary Junior...You'll never beat us without Gary Junior!:

Cheer up guys, we know you havn't won a game, and you didn't win the derby, but you are playing Richmond this week! and its at home! Theres never been happier times. Port however are moving along swimmingly, under the radar, and could damn well make the 8 this year!

It's going to be on like DOnkey Kong in battle of the losers! who will grab the wooden spoon, and who will grab the almost spoon trophy. Last year we waited till round 14 to see two undefeated teams do battle, now we see the two defeated fight it out. Someone must win and take the points, or they will both forge a truce draw to save their reputations!

As much as we like to see the Hawks get knocked off their feet, we don't when we tip them. Essendon stole the Hawks 'Mo-Jo', as Jeff Kennett would put it. Even with Buddy kicking 5 goals, there was barely a wimper in the mustard and brown guernsey. Roughead couldn't hit a Mac truck with his kicking to make matters worse. The Dons may be off to the tribunal, but they have the win :-).

More controversey as one of the Bombers casually steps over the Hawks goal line, giving away a free kick and certain goal to Buddy. The bombers claim he was under pressure, anyone with a pair of eyes could see he strolled over casually with all the time in the world. TO make matters worse, the AFL has admitted they got it wrong, and suspended the umpire in question. What an absolute disaster guys! Your Umpire for the first time in history got it right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nothing better than beating your old side ey? Or kicking 6 goals against your old side :-)...Bradshaw even kicked a 60 m torpedo which had him compared to Malcom Blight during the week. Malcom wants everyone to turn it up, cause the one he kicked was about 80 metres! Well thats the nice way of putting it, he thought it was bulls#$t in comparison. But they are on top of the ladder, even though their competition hasnt been the best till now.

West Coast were still in their Derby at half time, they were starting to lose it by three quarter time though. Freo were playing as if they were nervous, but it was only the Eagles! not StKilda or Geelong they had to beat. They settled in the Fourth though, and ran off with the match. One Freo player even kicked an accidental goal off his shin, and didn't mind taking the credit for it either

:-P.

Adam Selwood was so happy with Freo on the weekend, he thought he would lick one of their players:

After their big win over the Cats, Carlton thought they might be alright against the Pies...they were so far off it's not funny. The Blues made a late wimper, but even the one man show Judd couldn't stop the thrashing on it's way. New recruit for Collingwood, Luke Ball finally hit his straps, and threw in some goals.

Take that visy boy :

Melbourne also came off a big win over Brisbane, but couldn't even come close to beating a low placed North Melbourne. They lost Pettard with a shoulder, which didn't help, but their Docklands curse continues. They can't win at that ground!..Even their supporters know it and don't bother turning up. The young North team are happy with their 1st year efforts in a senior game.

Take us back to the G pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssse!:

Soccer...Chelsea have had a big win over Liverpool 2-1, which means they could take the title for the 1st time in 06 . Man U will retain the Crown and win their 19th Championship if they are lucky! The EPL is going right down to the wire! Chelsea are a few points clear on the ladder, but it isnt over yet. We will let you know which club needs a box of tissues next week!

Golf..After missing several puts from about 1 foot out, Tiger Woods is not quite himself. Some say the pressure of the sex scandal has finally seeped into his game, others say get him a girl fast, he can't function without one...or even with one. He has missed the cut for the first time in his career at the Quail Hollow Championships. C'mon Tiger! At least do well in the minors.

Cricket...After the IPL has rapped up its onto the 20/20 world cup! The Chennai 'Yeah, yeah's' won their final over Mumbai. Australia has had a good first up win over Pakitstan by 34 runs. Watson his a massive 81 off 49 balls and D Hussey chipped in with 53, including 28 runs off one over! This is a relief after an embarrasing loss to Zimbabwe in our warm up game. Warner the only real highlight with 72.

Tennis..Justine Hennin has had the first win of her comeback against our Sam Stosur...and she really is ours! Sam fought hard to 3 sets but just missed out. We're ok, it's just nice to have a female back in the top 10 for a change, so we're still getting used to that :-P.

Netball...The Vixens have pulled a Tiger Woods hitting a mid season form slump. It was a top of the table clash and NSW won comfortably with 56 to 42. The Vixens say they dont know why there form has dropped off, and well if they don't know how are we supposed to? *shrug*

all that and more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.


Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).