STORMGATE, funny name, serious s#$t

NRL...It's rare when this blog starts with Rugby over NRL. But what has happened in the past week has devestated not only rugby fans, but sports fans all over the Country. It can sometimes take a lifetime to win a Premiership, and sometimes even two. So if you do win one, its supposed to be an experience money can't buy. It seems this is not the case. Many teams have cheated on the salary cap before in sport, and been puished. But in the case of Carlton in the AFL, the punishment was not severe, they had no Premierships to take!..

Im not going to sugar coat it, to take away someones Premierships, is sports biggest headf#$k! It's devestating, gutting wounding and any other shitty adjective you can think of. They have already occured, and been celebrated, and removing the experience money can't buy, well you wouldn't even wish it on a Collingwood supporter. It sounds like the Storms purple hearts and souls have been stolen, and everyone is suffering because of a few idiots at the club, in particular the architect Waldron. He has wet his beak at many clubs in many different codes, and all those clubs must now suffer investigations, after being involved with him.
The players and the coach say they were unaware of the nightmare unfolding behind the scenes. They were lead to believe all their bonus payments were above board and therefore did not question upstairs. But spare a thought for the Manly and Eels supporters, who couldve had Grand final wins to their names, had the Storm not been able to retain superstars Inglis, Slater, and Smith. In history now, nobody will have a premy to their name in these years.

On Thursday night I got in the car to drive home, and the first thing I hear upon turning on the radio, was the bad news. The Storm are not even my team, but being Melbourne born, I was sad to hear the news, I have a severe soft spot for them. I hate to admit it, but it made me cry (tell anyone and you're a gonna!)...I wasn't just upset for the club, the players, the supporters and the city. I was sad at the thought of my AFL team Geelong, having their Premierships taken away. I waited about 25 years for them, I couldn't eat, sleep or think straight until I saw one! And if anyone took them away I would just die.
Many say the club will fold, with the fines, and not being able to pay the players. But they have vowed to take a pay cut, to keep the club alive. Storm will not earn any more points for the rest of the NRL season, but they are playing for pride. But is a victory really satisfying with illegaly bought players? If they didn't cheat on the salary cap, other clubs would have been able to offer the players more money and lure them away, and perhaps these wins wouldn't have been? But the overpayments for 2010 have not been made yet, so therefore they have not cheated on the cap this year yet, and should be able to keep any points they earn.

In the last month the dominant Storm began to lose games, and news article were released titled: 'Storm play for love, not money'. It seemed the team were trying not to appear too successful, they mustve seen it coming. And to become defensive before accused, is often a sign of guilt or regret. On the weekend, The Storm had nothing to lose. They smashed the NZ Warriors, to show a sign of unity. First gamer Duffie scored two trys, showing they can perform without the big guns. Billy Slater has recieved offers from many different clubs and even different codes like Union and AFL. Will they stay or will they go?
Who knows what will happen from now. Waldron is saying he's in the clear, as every club is cheating on the cap. But time will tell. For now he is most likely hiding in the hills with Osama. We will keep Storm watch over the next few weeks and months to explore the fallout from the greatest sporting disaster in our history. We are a one team town, and must keep them afloat! There, I'm out of puns!

Interview...We chat to Daniel Kowalski Olympic gold medalist about life now after swimming. Daniel recently came out after years of living a closeted existance in the public eye. We will try to catch up regularly with Daniel in the future, and have his expertise on the SL.



all that and more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.


Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).

Ben Cousins auotbiography: 'He fell onto my fist!, I swear'

AFL...You can almost see part of Daniel Connors face on Cuzzi's fist here...After drunken antics in a hotel, we were wondering why Ben Cousins had bruised knuckles, and why Daniel Connnors had a black eye. Us detectives put 2 and 2 together and have come up with the solution. Daniel was so drunk and out of control, Cuzzi said he had to punch him to calm him down. Apparently Ben couldn't see a more peaceful solution to the problem. But he was given a one match suspension for his peace-keeping skills.

Ben stunned, like a Tiger in the headlights:



Capn Tom-a Har has done a goodbye lap at skilled stadium with the Premy Cup. It's not as funny as Monicas nipple tape, or Freo getting a $900 fine for pinching Ablett. And yes I just put the pic in cause I bloody love it! twice in a lifetime, farewell Tommy.

I put this pick in because it kind of summed up the Cats win over Port...Totally dacked them! Wedged atomic style!...95 points, with new senior citizen PODS kicking 5 goals in only his second game...and Magic Johnson kicked six with a bung hip! The Premiers are back in town..or did Port just make them look really good?


Who would've thought that Freo would be playing in a match of the round...Come to think of it who would've thought Freo would have ever won another game?...or won 3 in a row and start the season 2nd on the ladder?? It was 1st verses 2nd and they were neck and neck until the last quarter. Milney must've used his supper intelligent secret weapon, and called all the Dockers Homo's, to put them off their game. But he didn't have captain homophobic to back him up this week. Lucky nobody respects Milney, or the Saints might've won by more.

Cop that Blues! You gave me away, and we won, even though I didn't kick any goals before half time....I think thats what he's saying. The Dogs were up by about 25 at the main break, and somehow managed to lose the game. Even with Barry snagging 4 goals. The mighty Lions are a serious threat, looming more than Fevs gambling debts. He just couldn't keep his head out of the news since Binglegate and the Brownlow. Fevgate has now steamrolled on with momentum, but surprisingly, it doesn't affect his game. He wants to stress that he doesn't bet on Football though...Except maybe this goal 'YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHH!':

Can you really celebrate when you beat a team without a gun forward and a gun backman...Lean Davis sure did. The Hawks have had the wood on the Woods for some time. But the Pies have well and truly smashed them by 64 points. It's a gogd thing they won, cause Eddy didn't get bored this week and shoot off his mouth about the pleasant conditions of AAMI stadium.

You Beauty, the Dees have won 2 in a row! It may only be Richmond, but the supporters have been waiting a while to have two wins, with more consistent performances. And they can't go wrong making Jimmy smile!...The Tigs are now on 4 losses over 50 points and mucking around in hotel rooms. Looks like the overhaul of managment might need an overhaul. Or simply get some decent recruiters at the club...seriously enough is enough, you've been in the developing stages for 20 years, it's time to doooooooooo something Tigs!

Swannies still literally flying high, and this week over the Roos. New recruit Bradshaw and McGlin are doing about as well as Fev and Browney. Doesn't look like they will bottom out after all, cop that GWS!

You know you're doing badly when the Blues can beat you at home Adelaide. 4 wins in a row and injury's up to their eyeballs, the Crows supporters are calling for blood. All the other teams are calling for another Judd suspension, as in his first game back, managed 30 possesions! Now thats some good Steven Segal shiz!

You know you're travelling badly when the only team you can beat are the Blues. Pitty Essendon can't play them every week. The Eagles are a bit of a one man show, or a one man ruck show with Cox and Natinui finally gelling. Natinui was interviewed by Tim Watson after the game, and no, he didn't adjust himself this time ;-).

NRL...After dissapeering for a while, the Roosters bounce back over the Canberra ' Lime green Milk' Raiders 36-6...The tribunal is busy with Cantebury's Ben Hannant copping a religous slur from the Tigers. Morman are not safe in this game it seems. Canberra are in hot water for a dangerous concussion-causing tackle on the Roosters.

The Eels have finally got a score on the board, beating Russell Crows Rabitohs 22-8. Win starved, the fans will take their timely bunny boiling.

The Dragons and the Titans clashed on Friday night football. Unfortunately it wasn't quite a scoring fest, with only one try in the first half to the Dragons. The Titans finally scored in the 77th minute but the Dragons had already built up a solid lead. Darius Boyd (Who sounds like he is from the 1930's) man of the match again.

Manly claimed the scalp of Melbourne on Monday night Football, and stamped themselves as contenders with a hard-fought 18-16 win. Two losses in a row for the Storm will have questions being asked...such as 'WTF?????"

F1...The curious case of Jensen Button rolls on. The first McLaren 1-2 of the season, and the first Brit 1-2 since the dark ages. Our Mark and Vettel were in the box seat with a pole and 2nd in qualifying, but due to the conditions and 2 safety car, Hamilton was able to work his way up to 2nd from well back in the field. Jenson was one of the few drivers not to panic when the rain fell. Others ran in to get wet weather tyres. And when the rain didn't arrive shortly, were driving bald!..Button and McLaren move to the top. Massa falls from grace, and Rosberg gets his 2nd third in a row! I love seeing him at the PC's cause for english as a second language, he could almost out talk half of Aus!

Roller Derby...We headed out to the Puck handlers rink in Reservoir to check out the Toxic Avengers Vs the Dead Ringer Rosies. The Toxics bounced back after a quiet performance with the Dolls a go-go last time. Mandatory punishment was top jammer again, with Kitty von Krusher emerging as the next star. And yes, the scoreboard was pushed beyond its capabilites again, almost exploding as the dolls went past 200!


Dykes on Spikes...We chat to the Dykes on Spikes organisers about their golf day coming up. on 2nd May. The girls promise fun, food, compettition, and some good ol fashioned trash talk!

Soccer..Man United have beaten rivals Man City1 zip.Luckily Totenham did them a favour, with a 2 -1 win over Chelsea. Chelsea are now only one point above Man U on the ladder, causing the EPL to heat up at the business end of the season.

all that and more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.


Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).

I know you are, I said you are, so what am I???

AFL..You're just too good to be true, cant take my eyes offa you..I think thats what Mick is saying, it's hard to tell right? Maybe he's asking one of his players out for a drink on Friday night. Or maybe he's asking Milney out for a drink then with a death stare? Who wouldve thought quarter time could be more interesting than the game? . . Or maybe Mick just said 'yo mamma' and wanted to see if anyone noticed?..Or Maaybe Milney said to Mick Malthouse 'You're old', and then Malthouse said to Milney 'well you're an f'n rapist' and Milney called Collingwood asistant coach Licuria 'a hommo'. Not surprising, as we know captain Saint Nicks views on homosexuals. Either way everyone is in deep poo on this one with fines from 3 to 7.5 grand! Milney also wins the award for most pissweek insult with 'You're old!' Good one genius.

In actual football news Captain homophobic has twanged his hammy, everybody say awww. He might be out for most of the season which is promising for the rest of us. Especially with the Cats in round 13 licking their lips. They promise us the ham is still on the bone, but requires an operation. mmm sounds delicious.

Buzz off Cuzy we've got enough scandals this week. . ok maybe we have room for one more. 4 Richmond players have been suspended for misbehaving at a Sydney hotel Sunday morning. Surprise surprise Ben Cousins was in this fab four. Connors has been suspended for six weeks and Cuzzy and friends are gone for one. But after 3 successive losses for the Tigs over 50 points, they can hardly affor to lose personnel.

Geelong have suffered footballs ultimate embarrassment by losing to Freo. But one wonders what might have happened if the Cats had Scarlett, Milburn, Mooney Ottens, Rooke. Ablett was the only highlight for the losers. The 2 million dollar man was working overtime. Morabito, captain Pavlova and Hall pushed for the Dockers and took advantage of the frazzled Kitties. Freo are second on the ladder and have won 3 in a row, and it's not in an alternate universe!

Melbournre have their first win of the season against the injury ravaged crows. As if things wer'nt going badly enough with 2 losses, now its 3 and half the team is out, including wonder boy Tippet. 5 players down the Crows finished the game without a bench, and lost a game that was previously close. . who cares go DEES!

NRL. . .THe Storm have had their first loss of the season going down to the Titans. It's no wonder the champs are in shock. St George have pinched top spot back after beating the Bronco's. We only hope Alfie didn't get too upset, and got up on a table again in his undies. The Roosters and the Eels continue their falls from grace with a loss each to the Panthers and Raiders. They say Canberra can't win away, the Eels sure proved them wrong. The Panthers grow in awesomeness.

It's no wonder he's pouring himself in water, Greg Ingliss has finally had his day in court, and his girlfriend showed up in support of him. After she appeared last year with a black eye, we wern't sure what story to believe. Did she ask him to hit her out of some twisted turn on? did she just get too much botox? . . neither, she annoyed him so he pushed her. It still doesn't excuse the behaviour, but his girlfriend has accepted responsibility for what happened, freeing the big man to do what he does best on the field.

Buz off Tiger we have enough scandals this week! But I wanna know what you're thinking?, what you're feeling?, and why you don't have a greater range of facial expressions?And how come the piss take of this add, where your mum is beating you with an umbrella is more interesting than the original? . . .It doesnt seem like we need to insult Tiger anymore, as he's taken to insulting himself on the course. After hitting 3 Bogies in 4 holes (no that is not a double entendre), Tiger was heard to say 'Tiger Woods you suck God Damn it!'

Then reported not remembering a thing. Compulsive lier much?. . Our fav role model is back, but he couldn't quite win.

Here is the real winner of the US Masters, Phil Mickelson. After hitting a hot streak of Eagles in the 3rd round, Phils form continued into the last round. Hot on his heels Westwood came close but couldn't pass lucky Phil, who took his 3rd green jacket. It will match his green shirt, and cheeky smile. The Aussies were nowhere to be seen, with Ogilvy leading the way, out of sight.

Moto GP. . Our Casey Stoner takes poll in Qatar under lights. Rosi and Lorenzo followed as usual. But after a silly mistake in the race, he crashed out on the 6th lap. Rosi moved up to 1st and pinched the points. But he didn't look as cool as our man sliding along the ground in mysterious smoke oooh.

Soccer. . . Chelseas Drogba goals in the FA cup semi over Aston Villa. Chelsea win 3 love and head into the finals. They will face the winner of Toenham v Portsmouth. Portsmouth have been relegated on the eve of their semi final. Now thats a confidence booster!

Tennis. . . In the big Querry vs Odesnik showdown it was on. Odesnik is up on drug cheat charges and Querry wasnt impressed. Querry had a Querry when Odesnik served an ace, cause Querry thought it was out. Odesnik told him it was 'good', and Odesnik replied 'I don't need your input buddy'. It wasnt quite as big as Milney and Malthouse, but it caught our attention.

all that and more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.


Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).

AFL Round 2: Mondays bitter BLOCBUSTER!

AFL...It's no secroet Geelong and Hawthorn don't like eachother, but considering the Cats have won 4 out of the last 5 games, theyre almost taking a liking to football's snobiest area. The Hawks lead for most of the game, but in the third Geelong fought back with a fury! not such a fury in the second quarter with their 7 points, instead of goals.


Thursday night football continues to annoy us, but with Carlton facing a more worthy opponent in the Lions, we were in for a better quality match. Fev faced off against his old side the Blues and had his twin Mac truck Johno Brown assisting him. But Fev was more the assistant as Browny kicked a lazy seven goals, and stuck more fear into the heart of man. We thought Fev would pick some fights with his old team mates, but instead there was nothing but boring polite-ness between them!

The tigers have been beaten for the second week in a row, and have been officially dacked AFL style. Their competition was strong, but we're not sure it wouldve made a difference to their scorelines. Similarly North were smashed by St Kilda by 105 points. Perhaps they will think twice again before declaring: 'we can beat them!'

Freo on the other hand have gone through a religious footy experience with an anti-dacking, by beating the Bombers away??? whatt?? yes you heard right. Now, not only is it safe to tip Freo for once, but its safe to tip them away from home....yes you heard it again! Port Adelaide have also turned over a new leaf by winning away. Known for being the Katy Perrys of the AFL, Port tend to run hot and cold from week to week. None the less, I tipped them...but ive never been so uncomfy in all my life :-s.

No, no, no whhhhhhhhhy, so close but so far away. After their 56 point defeat last week, the Dees rose up and took on the Pies (previously beating Premy favs the Dogs). With thirty seconds to go the Dees almost snatched it, but dropped a mark right in front of goal..oh the agony and the ecstacy of losing by one point. Nobody evem seemed to notice that it was Brad Green 200th match, Melbourne were just happy to lose by the smallest possible margin, instead of the largest.

The Swans have had a strong win against the Crows at home. Not even Jason Porpyyyyyzia could save Adelaide this week. We only hope they can put in a performance against the Dee's, and avoid footballs ultimate embarrasment.

F1...It was all looking brilliant, Mark Webber grabs pole for only the second time, and surely he cant lose!..Yes he can! Well second place is good, but not when your team mate flies passed you driving exactly the same car! Boggles the mind, pisses the mind well off. Maybe next time Mark wont snooze on the first corner,and then he wont have to stand on the podium like a 10 year old that just lost his teddy bear. Alonso went off with one lap to go, which is even more brutal. And his team mate Massa is flying under the radar in top spot for the Championship!

NRL..Well it's only been a few weeks, but we finally have our first NRL scandal of the season. Ex Queenslander ALfie Langer got a bit sad from a demoralising loss, and decided to un-celebrate it by dancing on a table in an old pair of undies. He then got into his car and drove at over 3 times the legal limit, forcing a suspension from the club. Get over it Alfie, Melbourne rules, and so does too does the team that smashed yours.

Friday night football went off, as it was the only football in town that day. The mighty Storm knocked off top of the ladder: St George 17 to 4. It looks like Melbourne could be in the mix again at the end of the year. The Eels however have fallen from grace, and will need a swift recovery to challenge the big boys..and we don't mean Alfie!

Cricket...Mitchel Johnson is now officially a legend after taking 10 wickets in the 2nd test against New Zealand. And yes this means you can no longer call him a mumas boy. Oh yeah and surely you can tell after that piece of domination, we won! Our start was bad, but theirs was worse!

Doug Bollinger may be getting a pay rise as the expense of others recieving a pay-cut, but he's kind of earnt it. The rest of the team can make up their pay on the Catwalk...Dougie cannot.

In the IPL Vijay (Chennai) scored 98 with 8 4's and 11 6's with almost every ball a boundary. Someones after Dougies pay packet. Roy got 45 but it's not enough to save last years champs Decan from slipping further down the ladder.

Soccer...It's not often you see Man United lose, but Chelsea have never seen a prettier sight. Chelsea have again pinched top spot from the champs with a 2-1 win, along with pinchy their dignity. Well it's not like they have plenty to spare! Save some for the rest of us Man U.

Tennis..Super mum 'our Kimmy' crushes Venus to take the Miami hard court title. Finalists Roddic and Berdich knocked off the tennis kings Rapha and Roger to hit the final. But we all know the big guns dont really care about the minor tournaments, so it's a bit like the NAB cup. It's hard to gauge just how talented the winner actually is, especially when they never win the Grand Slams.

All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.


Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).