Ben Cousins auotbiography: 'He fell onto my fist!, I swear'

AFL...You can almost see part of Daniel Connors face on Cuzzi's fist here...After drunken antics in a hotel, we were wondering why Ben Cousins had bruised knuckles, and why Daniel Connnors had a black eye. Us detectives put 2 and 2 together and have come up with the solution. Daniel was so drunk and out of control, Cuzzi said he had to punch him to calm him down. Apparently Ben couldn't see a more peaceful solution to the problem. But he was given a one match suspension for his peace-keeping skills.

Ben stunned, like a Tiger in the headlights:



Capn Tom-a Har has done a goodbye lap at skilled stadium with the Premy Cup. It's not as funny as Monicas nipple tape, or Freo getting a $900 fine for pinching Ablett. And yes I just put the pic in cause I bloody love it! twice in a lifetime, farewell Tommy.

I put this pick in because it kind of summed up the Cats win over Port...Totally dacked them! Wedged atomic style!...95 points, with new senior citizen PODS kicking 5 goals in only his second game...and Magic Johnson kicked six with a bung hip! The Premiers are back in town..or did Port just make them look really good?


Who would've thought that Freo would be playing in a match of the round...Come to think of it who would've thought Freo would have ever won another game?...or won 3 in a row and start the season 2nd on the ladder?? It was 1st verses 2nd and they were neck and neck until the last quarter. Milney must've used his supper intelligent secret weapon, and called all the Dockers Homo's, to put them off their game. But he didn't have captain homophobic to back him up this week. Lucky nobody respects Milney, or the Saints might've won by more.

Cop that Blues! You gave me away, and we won, even though I didn't kick any goals before half time....I think thats what he's saying. The Dogs were up by about 25 at the main break, and somehow managed to lose the game. Even with Barry snagging 4 goals. The mighty Lions are a serious threat, looming more than Fevs gambling debts. He just couldn't keep his head out of the news since Binglegate and the Brownlow. Fevgate has now steamrolled on with momentum, but surprisingly, it doesn't affect his game. He wants to stress that he doesn't bet on Football though...Except maybe this goal 'YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHH!':

Can you really celebrate when you beat a team without a gun forward and a gun backman...Lean Davis sure did. The Hawks have had the wood on the Woods for some time. But the Pies have well and truly smashed them by 64 points. It's a gogd thing they won, cause Eddy didn't get bored this week and shoot off his mouth about the pleasant conditions of AAMI stadium.

You Beauty, the Dees have won 2 in a row! It may only be Richmond, but the supporters have been waiting a while to have two wins, with more consistent performances. And they can't go wrong making Jimmy smile!...The Tigs are now on 4 losses over 50 points and mucking around in hotel rooms. Looks like the overhaul of managment might need an overhaul. Or simply get some decent recruiters at the club...seriously enough is enough, you've been in the developing stages for 20 years, it's time to doooooooooo something Tigs!

Swannies still literally flying high, and this week over the Roos. New recruit Bradshaw and McGlin are doing about as well as Fev and Browney. Doesn't look like they will bottom out after all, cop that GWS!

You know you're doing badly when the Blues can beat you at home Adelaide. 4 wins in a row and injury's up to their eyeballs, the Crows supporters are calling for blood. All the other teams are calling for another Judd suspension, as in his first game back, managed 30 possesions! Now thats some good Steven Segal shiz!

You know you're travelling badly when the only team you can beat are the Blues. Pitty Essendon can't play them every week. The Eagles are a bit of a one man show, or a one man ruck show with Cox and Natinui finally gelling. Natinui was interviewed by Tim Watson after the game, and no, he didn't adjust himself this time ;-).

NRL...After dissapeering for a while, the Roosters bounce back over the Canberra ' Lime green Milk' Raiders 36-6...The tribunal is busy with Cantebury's Ben Hannant copping a religous slur from the Tigers. Morman are not safe in this game it seems. Canberra are in hot water for a dangerous concussion-causing tackle on the Roosters.

The Eels have finally got a score on the board, beating Russell Crows Rabitohs 22-8. Win starved, the fans will take their timely bunny boiling.

The Dragons and the Titans clashed on Friday night football. Unfortunately it wasn't quite a scoring fest, with only one try in the first half to the Dragons. The Titans finally scored in the 77th minute but the Dragons had already built up a solid lead. Darius Boyd (Who sounds like he is from the 1930's) man of the match again.

Manly claimed the scalp of Melbourne on Monday night Football, and stamped themselves as contenders with a hard-fought 18-16 win. Two losses in a row for the Storm will have questions being asked...such as 'WTF?????"

F1...The curious case of Jensen Button rolls on. The first McLaren 1-2 of the season, and the first Brit 1-2 since the dark ages. Our Mark and Vettel were in the box seat with a pole and 2nd in qualifying, but due to the conditions and 2 safety car, Hamilton was able to work his way up to 2nd from well back in the field. Jenson was one of the few drivers not to panic when the rain fell. Others ran in to get wet weather tyres. And when the rain didn't arrive shortly, were driving bald!..Button and McLaren move to the top. Massa falls from grace, and Rosberg gets his 2nd third in a row! I love seeing him at the PC's cause for english as a second language, he could almost out talk half of Aus!

Roller Derby...We headed out to the Puck handlers rink in Reservoir to check out the Toxic Avengers Vs the Dead Ringer Rosies. The Toxics bounced back after a quiet performance with the Dolls a go-go last time. Mandatory punishment was top jammer again, with Kitty von Krusher emerging as the next star. And yes, the scoreboard was pushed beyond its capabilites again, almost exploding as the dolls went past 200!


Dykes on Spikes...We chat to the Dykes on Spikes organisers about their golf day coming up. on 2nd May. The girls promise fun, food, compettition, and some good ol fashioned trash talk!

Soccer..Man United have beaten rivals Man City1 zip.Luckily Totenham did them a favour, with a 2 -1 win over Chelsea. Chelsea are now only one point above Man U on the ladder, causing the EPL to heat up at the business end of the season.

all that and more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.


Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).