YELLOWWWWWWWWWWWWW and BLACK!

AFL...We are bumping Aka to second spot because we have encountered a once in a lifetime experience!...The Tigers have had their first win of the season! We didnt think it was possible, as all their defeats were no less than about 60 points! It was muddy and wet, and Jack Riewoldt decided to get a rocket into him for a change!

After the game they sang the song with half the team inside the circle, as it was the first time in their Tiger lives they had had a victory! Port were exhausted from their Darwin adventure, but it wasnt just a win, it was a 47 point thrashing! It's good to finally hear the best song in the league again. Unfortunately they need to soak it up, cause it may be their last for a while! They wont be able to keep wear their jocks for next week as a good luck charm, might need a wash!

...It has been revealed this week that Jason Akermanis: gay consultant to the stars, lied! Shock horror! After telling the Bulldogs that his Herald Sun article had been changed on him, he was forced to admit that he approved the changes, and reinforces his advice to gay AFL players to stay in the closet! Will he be forced to chose between footy and journalism? God we hope so!

He is likely to face a suspension for lieing to the club, but at Joy we have our own ideas of the punishments that could be handed out to Aka. Ted thinks we should have him do a few shifts at the Greyhound, perhaps on the door. Or maybe we should get him to do a few drag shows at Exchange. It might finally get him to shave off his horrid miss-match facial fluff!
If he wasnt going to be dropped cause of his mouth, he was going to be dropped for s&*t form anyway!
The Hawks needed something to offset the embarrassment from their ugly Kokoda jumper. Great cause, horrible design. A 2 point thrilling win over the Swans was just enough! Buddy may be suspended after a collision he caused, and only 24 hours after claiming he was turning over a new leaf and going to avoid the bump!

The Dons are on a 3 game winning streak, and have taken a big scalp beating the Dogs on Friday night! The first in a big streak of tipping nightmares for the weekend.

The multi talented one man band: Spike, can handball and suffocate opponents all at the same time:

Another 5 for the Skilled stadium specialist PODS! He just cant get enough of the home ground!

Stokesey chipped in with a few goals too and Hawkins got 4 before landing awkwardly on his foot. New guy for the Dee's Gysberts, who sound like your intestines, had a game high possesion haul for the entire team with 26!

The tipping nightmare rolled on again into Saturday night, with the Lions storming home over the highly favoured Pies! Browney was back with 4 goals but showed us how tough he really is by pulling Harry O'Briens hair! Fev was kicking them over his shoulder again. After losing to Geelong, it looks like the Pies spirit has been temporarilly crushed. The mo-jo will need to return nexdt week against the Dogs.

The Saints took their sweet time breaking away from the Crows, but to their relief they had a smashing second half. Montagna had 5 goals and 38 possesions which will make him player of the round. One goal umpire decided to get in the way of a goal, and actually called play on after the ball had gone through! Well it would have if his dopey leg wasnt in the way...back to schooooooooooooooooooooool.

Lecra kicked 5! Kennedy kicked 4! But the Blues held strong for a change. Gibbs had 45 touches but his coach was still not impressed! What has a guy gotta do to get your attention Rats??? Maybe if he gathers the ball with his eyelash you will notice!

Even the AFL didn't think Bryce deserved to make it into this photo:

Heave HO, Freo have smashed North Melbourne at home. Captain Pavlova got 4 goals and Thomas had an honourable 5 in a losing side. Their 10 goal 3rd term was the best in their history, and they continue to confuse us all by hanging around the top of the ladder!

Tennis..French Open finals are on! Sam Stosur beats Tennis giant Justine Hennin in her fourth round match. After being tipped to not make it passed the first round, our girl has made amazing progress, and is without a choke to date! Last time Australia had a girl in the final tennis was still in black and white! Go Sam!

Rapha storms into the fourth round by defeating our Hewitt. Leyton was amazing , pushing the game out to a couple of hours with the clay king. It looks like the knee is back to normal Rapha! Vamos!

The tennis is all good, lets work on the facial expressions:

F1...If you think Mark looks pissed now, wait till he gets behind closed doors with Seb Vettel. Mark was headed for an amazing hat trick of wins after taking pole again. the little s*&t Vettel decided he couldnt handle Mark being Red Bulls number one driver, and decided to veer right into Webbers car, which held its line! Some say its Marks fault for not moving and some say it's Seb's. Either way its a disaster for the team. Mark was relegated to third! and tears! While Vettel probably got what he deserved with no points. But as Vettel was hot on Marks heels int he championship, it may be a blessing in disguise. Mark is still first in the Championship, and Vettel has to deal with 5th! Drama! F1 is definitely not boring! The Mclarends of Lewis and Button pull a Bradbury and pass them both for hollow 1-2 finish!

Polite pissed off clap:

Vettel makes the international sign for crazy at Mark, but should be about himself:

Jumps racing suffers another tragedy with Prince Vitality becoming the second casualty of the jumps racing season. The jockey escaped injury, but further calls are being made to have the sport completely banned! At this rate, 1 a week is goin down!

England tall bowler Steven Finn has emerged as a new Aussie threat for the Ashes taking 4 wickets at Lords. It was only against Bangladesh though! Settle down Pommy's! If he takes 4 wickets against a World cricket superpower team, then we might soil our pants a bit :-S.

Soccer...Move over boys its the girls turn to make magic in the soccer! Our Matildas claimed the Asian football title in China! The girls said they were not even supposed to make the finals, but it's a nice surprise for us! They also said it was a surprise that they are Asian champions, when they arent even Asian! Back to schooolllllllllllllllllll on the mental stuff, but P.E. is going well!

NRL...State of Origin was on between Queensland and NSW in game one! We thought the Maroons were going to s*#t it in but the game got close in the end. final score was 24 to 28. The tries were shared around on both teams

NSW:
Jarryd Hayne, Anthony Watmough,Jamal Idris, Ben Creagh

QLD:
Darius Boyd, Billy Slater, Darren Lockyer, Greg Inglis, Sam Thaiday

Upsets all round in the normal comp with the Rabittohs crunching the Panthers, and Tigers smashing the Warriors 50 to 6. Time will tell if its due to players missing at Origin. Manly beat the Cowboys by 4 points in match of the round.

Can I rub your head, we could use some good luck??:

all that and more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.



Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).

Aka Aka woops Aka Aka Aka Aka

AFL...Just when you thought it was safe to go back into Aka's Herald Sun column...it's not! Jason Akermanis (A.K.A: Aka) has decided to advise AFL players to stay in the closet. Using his vast knowledge of Gay issues (pffffffffft) Aka has warned of the dangers of coming out in an AFL environment, or the dangers according to him and his stupid miss match goatee.

After setting back movements several thousand years, we wern't quite sure who to blame, Aka or the News paper. He says he's innocent, and blames creative writing, yet he still defends the comments made in the article??? If you can call defending saying a whole bunch of crap only Aka understands. It looks like the original article, and the final copy are worlds apart, and the AFL don't want anything to do with it...Smart move!

Aka's big mouth almost overshadowed Friday night footy's biggest blockbuster! It was first vs 2nd and the Moon dog was howling in his 200th game! 3 goals and a million goal assists. Stokesy also chipped in with a hand 3. If it wasn't for bad kicking by the Pies the game may have been closer, but the Cats still finished with 6 more scoring shots, and are now Premiership favourites!

'Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww':

Freo score a big win at the scary SCG ground. We almost forgot all about their drug scandal...almost.

Some parts of Barry Halls game still lingers at the Swans:

Essendon are back in town, but em, it is only Richmond they beat.

Can you smell what the Spike is cooking?:

It was a thriller on Saturday night, with Melbourne winning by a point over the favoured Port Adelaide.

The Dees finally win away, and lose ten Kilo's in the process up in Darwin:

Brisbane have suffered close to the ultimate embarrassment, losing to Adelaide!? Can things get any worse for Fev n Browney?

At least buy me dinner first!:

It is now official that Carlton are dating Katy Perry, running hot and cold from week to week.

If you can string three in a row, then we will shake with fear Hawks!:

Everyone says Luke Hodge should be the captain of Hawthron, but most people at the club know why he isn't. And no we can't say cause we don't want to get sued!

Sometimes words can't describe a situation, so it's best to sit back, relax and enjoy the "Barry'o thon". And for once this one wasn't Barry's fault! he was minding his own business, tieing his showlace, when he was attacked by a North Melboourne pest. Eades comment 'Barry needs protection', sounds funny out of context:

would you poke a snake?:

Down we go:

4 guys still can't get him off!:

whaaa, Im innocent, he just ran out of breath!:

And Barry has only excaped with a fine! Thompson escaped with a bad case of the shits.

Soccer...The socceroos were in Melbourne to play New Zealand at the MCG. It was a win for the Aussies ahead of their World cup match in Durban next month. Surprising when it looks like Harry was the only one at training.

Inter Milan beat Bayern Munich 2-0 to win the UEFA Champions league, and a trophy bigger than their bodies!

Cricket...South Australia beat the West Indies in their 1st ODI by 66 runs in Antigua. Deviliers and Amla both scored a massive 102 each in a rain reduced match. Morkel took 3 for 40 from 8 overs, while Mclaren and Botha scored 2 wickets each.

They don't look that much alike for twins?? ;-):

New Zealand beat Sri Lanka in a historic match on USA turf. 15 million Americans tuned in for the s0/s0 match in an attempt to revive the sport in the USA. The cricket experiment failed there in the 90's, but experts are hoping it can take off again as soon as we clearly explain the rules of the game to the Yanks :-S.

NRL...The Warriors and South Sydney provided match of the round, with NZ winning 26 to 24. Canberra Milk Raiders provided the upset beating top of the table Dragons.

Battle of the Helmets:

State of Origin teams were selected for the big QLD vs NSW clash. highlights of the NSW team include Gidley, Morris, Kimmorley, Hayne, Creagh, White and Watmough. The highlights of the Queensland team include the ENTIRE TEAM! Good luck against half the Melbourne Storm, and throw in BOyd, Folau, Lockyer and Thurston!

all that and more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.



Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).

The ultimate in sport: BACK 2 BACK!

F1...AFL is getting bumped again for the most awesome of achievements!..For a while we weren't sure if Mark Webber was going to win a GP at all, and now he has won 2! In a row!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We all remember his reaction from his first GP win last year, but it's so
good we need to re-cap!: 'yesssssssssssssssss yes yes yes you f*&$#&n beauty yessssssssssssss, yes yes'.

His first win this year, Mark didn't say a thing! But this time he was cool, calm and satisfied! They say winning the Monnaco GP is like winning two! So guess that makes 3 wins for Mark this year then!

Mark avoided a late collision and survived 4 safety cars to take home a steady win on the toughest track. He now moves to the top of the drivers Championship, and Red Bull goes to the top of the constructors over Ferrar, oh yeah and he also moves to the top of the awesomeness table!

AFL...Hot Pies, Cold Dockers! Match of the round turned out to be a blowout for the Pies! They smashed a good team and set up a massive clash with the Cats on Friday night Football! The Cats should actually be worried, as Travis Cloke is actually hitting some targets now!







The Cats went up to Brisbane, without Ottens, and Corey, and still smashed Brisbane by 80 points! Stokes was back, and dropping sitter with his normally vice like hands. Tomohawk was thrown into the ruck to gain confidence, and kicked a few goals along the way. Fev and Brown were a little off with injury, but Johno was kicking them over his shoulder from all corners of the ground...blindfolded!



Get your hands off me!:





The Roos were in the middle of their own smashing...before the Crows decided to give them a heart attack and kick the last 7 goals of the match! The Roos held on by 8 points, and just held on to their dignity by beating the second worst team in the land. Actually we are yet to see Hawthron v Adelaide, so hold that thought ;-).





You beauty! The baby Bombers beat the Saints again! The Bombers said they accidently threw their rucks forward and they accidently kicked a bag of goals. Guys, you don't say it was a fluke, you say it was all part of the master plan!





Oh k it was a tight struggle between the Blues and the Power. But the game would've been more thrilling if the players didnt stop to make a human pyramid. The Power took off in the 3rd quarter, but the Blues game plan held strong. Even the lgalloping dinosaur Kreuzer chipped in with a hand.



Footy game or a game of twister?:

We thought we had seen battle of the losers, but we were wrong! The Hawks had their hearts in their mouths as the officially worst team in the land, decided to challenge them for the points. If you look closely, you can almost see Brad Sewell poo his pants in this picture. And even with the win there must've been little satisfaction by the 3 point margin...tsk tsk Jeff.

Nothing better than beating your old side, right Barry? If thats what he says then we won't argue with him. Bad Baz kicked 5 goals against the Swannies, who were without both their ruckman. Pretty sure Barry thinks they would've won anyway if they were playing.

cop it swannies! smiling assassin:

Not only did the Eagles win, but they won away! Jack Watts returned for the Dee's for the most underwhelming comeback in history. He does have precision though, so we expect good things in 5 years! LeCra and Kennedy were at it again with a couple of goals each. The Demons are becoming so unpredicatble, even they don't know which day they will bring it on :-S.

Tennis...The two big Tennis guns went at it again in the final of the Madrid masters. Clay king Nadal beat the man Roger in the final. His knee must be feeling a bit better since the Aussie open, either that, or Rog just hates clay!

On Monday night football, the Eels took on the highly favoured Manly, and won! With the lull before Origin starts, most teams were back to normal. St George and the Storm were back on the winners list. The Baby Broncos beat the Titans 28-6! mystifying everyone again, and keeping Alfie off the table, thank hell!

The Storm have decided the Leagues punishments, in a bid to get their points back in the 2010 season. phone and email records of the leagues boss and News Limiteds chief will be summoned in court. And while waiting for a positive result for the Storm, we will all sit back and watch pigs fly!

Ok so our Men lost the 20/20 world cup to the Poms...moving right along, our girls New Zealand yayyyyyyy! go girls! Perry took 3 wickets as our men cheered them on. At least we found a use for our boys afterall. D Hussey tried to save us with 59, but it was all too late.

Pakistani skipper Danish Kaneria was arrested after a betting investigation. Kaneria allegedly placed a bet on an International game, and is now facing Jail time. Ouch! It really isn't safe to go near the pokies!

Can Chelsea win anymore tournaments! Probably! After winning the EPL and the FA cup, they are ready to take over the World! We almost forgot that there was the Champions league going on with all the winnningness! Drogba as usual was leading the charge. We're not mentioning his first name cause it's damn ridiculous!

all that and more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

Peace out*.

*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).