Put your poker face on...It's Tanking time!

AFL....There hasd been much talk of tanking again this week in footy. As the Season draws to a close, its all about the priority picks!...Win and you will be doomed to a life of averageness...Lose and your team will be a mighty superpower full of number 1 draft picks. But as we examine here, first round picks do not necesarilly guarantee unlimited wins or success. Let us look at the quality of some of the AFL's top choices:

Josh Fraser: Collingwood

He's an ok Ruckman that has flown under the Radar for years with acceptable performances. He Looks like he slept in the boot of a car, and hasn't run a comb through that hair in 10 years. Never played in a Premiership.


Matthew Kreuzer: Carlton

Um Yeah...He's tall, so is Juan Pablo Montoya and look how far he's gone in Grand Slam finals *rolsl eyes*...Um....Did we mention he's tall?...Has 3 or 4 team mates who are also number one picks, but the team can't even break into the top 5.....Based on that Will likely never play in a premiership.

Brett Deledio: Richmond

His performance is not really developing at a rapid rate, but his hair sure is. Find's it difficult to get motivated and resorts to writing 'run hard' on the back of his hand, to remind himself hes not just playing in a Nintendo game.

Jack Watts: Melbourne

He's young and new so we will give him more time to mature. But right now my sister weighs more than this guy.

Luke Hodge: Hawthorn

Has won a Premiership, but a year later his team are overweight after celebrating too much, and can barely break into the Top 8. Has also developed chronic groin problems...on field.

Brad Ottens: Geelong

Not pick 1 but pick 2. Has also won a Premiership but can barely walk lately injuring both his bad and good knee. He has been promised to return to the game in 2 or three weeks, every week, for the last 6 months. Think he'd be happy if he could just walk to the shops and grab a paper.

Daniel Kerr: West Coast Eagles

Also not pick 1. Did play in a Premiership but the win has been held under a cloud with all the off field controversies at the Eagles. He is more famous for going on alleged binges with Benny boy than for Football.

So as you can see pick 1 can be overrated....No. 8 picks are however awesome. Jimmy Bartel; Brownlow Medalist, Premiership Player, and Match winner on the Weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was Rivalry round this week and Last years Grandalists Geelong and Hawthorn were playing at the G. The Game looked over for the Cats when Joel Correy kicked a bananna over his shoulder to Jimmy Bartel in the pocket. The scores were level and all Jimmy needed to do was kick a point! And that he did...Never so seen so many guys excited over a missed goal! You

F&*$%#g Beauty Jimmy!

smile Jimmy

Victory is still Grand with a rare fight back win from the Cats, 2 men dwon. The Hawks are now in a difficult position to make the finals. Hawthorn supporters are still living in the past talking about their Grand Final win. Possibly cause they can't count and didn't realise that in the present, they lost by a point.

And just in case the Hawthorn supporters missed it, here's a close up ;-)

The game had everything! Even Buddy and Andrew Mackie had time to fit in a bit of ballroom dancing! Don't for get to dip him Andrew, then let go.

The Moon Dog likes it anyway...Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

In other tanking news; The Demons tanked against the Swans on the weekend, disguising it as a spirited fight back. After the game they realised they dont even need to try and tank because they are just naturally bad at football now anyway. Still not sure if West Coast are tanking or if they are just Crap? But we now know to give Freo more credit in the Derby's. With their 4th win of the season they lift off the bottom of the ladder...No tanking for Freo.

In the South Australian Derby the Crows finally turned the tables on the Power with a thrashing! No tanking for the Crows, no need. They have a big game next week against the Cats to prove their finals worth.

And just when you thought the Tigers we're going to do the right thing and Tank, they beat Essendon????...yes, you heard right. We're confused too but what would the game be without a good ol fashioned upset this week ?

Im sure they will.

F1....He's BAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCKKKK! Lewis Hamilton has bagged his first win of the F1 season. After going from number 1 to last, McLaren have finally got something right with the car!...

Australias Mark Webber continues to challenge for the title with another podium finish in 3rd. Button finished 7th and team mate Vettel didn't get any points so Mark is creeping up the ladder to top spot! fingers crossed....

Fingers also crossed for Massa (third last race) who has had a horror crash in Qualifying, and suffered a skull fracture. We hope he's ok.

Cricket....The Aussies have played in a 3 day tour match this week, during a break from the Ashes. As the Herald reported, Mitchel Johnson's frustrations continued when he was again overlooked for the new ball against Northampton. Clark claimed 2 wickets so far, and looks set to take Mitch's spot for the next Ashes test. Mitch was on 0/99 before taking his first.

Superstar Phillip Hughes has been under-performing with a 10, but is likely to keep his spot for the next test. Mr Cricket's score was handy too on 75 (retired).

England's Kevin Pietersen will miss the next Ashes test...Im not sure anyone will notice or miss him. Not even the Poms.

NRL....The Eels inflicted a shock thrashing over the 2nd placed Bulldogs this week, with jarryd Hayne leading the way, 27-8...The The Tigers and Panthers are also making late season charges too. The Tigers beat the Raider 25 to 4. Panthers 28 to 20, a strong win over the Cowboys.

Netball....The Grand final was on this week between the Adelaide Thunder Birds and the Melbourne Vixens! We're so glad it was these 2 teams in the finals cause their names are easier to pronounce. Yes thats right we're looking at you Colourplus Waikato Bay of Plenty Magic!

There was a lil' trash talk during the week between Melbournes Mcmahon and Adelaides Gerard, but as usual they settled things with a kiss:

The game was level until the Vixens pulled away in the second quarter and maintained their lead, making Melbourne Champions. They win their first trans-Tasman netball crown 54-46 at Hisense Arena. GO MELBOURNE! WOOOOOOO HOOOOOO!

Due to the coverage Kevin the ATM recieved during the Championships, and his stellar acting career, He has started his own facebook page. You can check Kevin and his thoughts out by clicking on KEVIN

Kevin the ATM at Maccas:

All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

Peace out*

.*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).
All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

It's Nightmare on Lord's street!...part 1...

Cricket....England tried to pull and Australia by refusing to go out in the first innings at Lords. And it was working untill Mitchell Johnson finally struck gold, even though it was expensive.

Ritchie Benaud would have been prould with the first wicket on 2/222...spooky.

A few more quick wickets to Hilfenhaus and Siddle and the Aussies were back in it. Even Clarkey had good turn and landed one. Just when you thought it couldn't get any spookier, the 6th wicket fell on 333.... oooohhh. Strauss tried to pull a Ponting and succeeded with a 150. The English captain was the only real highlight on day 1.

Hauritz finger injury after a dropped catch, sent him to the balcony when we needed him most.
The next thing we knew the Aussies were into bat. Anderson took a couple of quick and important wickets and then they cried; 'unleash the Vegetable!"....And Greame Onions bowled his first Ashes over. And taking his first wicket, 3 in all.

It wasnt long before the Aussies were all out, and lets face it in deep crap with a very low score. The real nightmare was just beggining. Englands captain could've forced us into bat again but decided to send himself in instead on day three. Hauritz return was timely as he took the first 2 wickets in the second innings, including the all important captain.

Bopara and Pietersen stayed in but scored at snails pace. The Aussies nighmare seemed to be subsiding when a dropped catch from Ponting and a missed run out killed our momentum. HORRORitz then took catch of the century which wasnt payed thanks to the video umpire. The English total soon became too much to chase and even though the match rolls on, we pretty much already know the result :-(.

Freddy Flintoffs Nightmare on Lord street continues with injuries. The hypocondriac has almost injured evcery single part of the human body, possibly to get out of representing England...We understand Freddy. He has decided this will be his last Ashes series and will hang up the whites.

Sorry this is the real Freddy, we think?

AFL...The Roo's Have given Bucks a few weeks to decide if he wants to be their coach. It seems like a reasonable offer, but so does anything next to the Richmond Job. This is a picture of Nathan Buckly now:

And this is what Bucks will look like after coaching Richmond for a year:

Or possibly this if he coached Collingwood:

And this is what he will look like after coaching North Melbourne after a year:

This is what Bucks will look like after coaching both Richmond and North Melbourne before the end of his career:

This is just another pic of an old man we wanted to include. Why not?

Warning: may not really be digitally altered pictures of Nathan Buckly.

What an honour to have our first draw of the season between the Tig's and the Roos. Battle of the Biggest loser, part 2, looked over at half time with Richmond up by about 40. It wasn't long before the Roos came back and appeared to snatch the win. One more tiger goal sealed the fate of the game, and unfortunately both were as bad as eachother :-S

The Dogs continue to prove they are a top 4 side with a strong and convincing win over the Dons.

The Blues beat Sydney for the first time since the turn of the Century, and spoiling the Swans aniversary celebrations.

The Cats are back on the winners list and had reason to celebrate their 150th anniversay. The win ended the Demons record breaking 2 game winning streak! Getting a few players back helped. Dont they look pretty in their anniversary jumpers :-)

Oh and the Book is pretty too...Precious!

And who doesnt want to see a pic of lil Junior in action...well I do anyway.

Hawthorn is still messing with our heads by beating a top 4 side in Colliingwood!!??? The twin towers Buddy and Roughy were at it again as the Hawks are on a 2 game winning streak! And stuffing up our tips again! This sets up a big game with the Cats next weeks at the G.

NRL... Origin game 3 was brilliant this week & NSW were playing as if the series was still on the line. It had a bit of effort, a bit of acrobatics and a bit of good ol' biff. Queenslander Steve Price was knocked out by Brett White, which is not good news for either of them. When Price woke up though he couldn't recall the fact that there was really nothing in it to begin with, so who cares??

Netball...Its finals time in the ANZ Championships and the Adelaide T-Birds really took it up to the New Zealand Magic on the weekend. Clearly they were following the Melbourne Vixens Lead. Our fingers are crossed for Melbourne as they go for their first Championship in many years. And its an all Aussies final woo hoo!

All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

Peace out*

.*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).

Put your Whites back on....It's Ashes Time!

Cricket....Sit down Boys and Girls and let me tell you a story about the Ashes.

There are only two teams that compete in this cricket competition, it is always Australia Vs England, or as they are commonly known as; The Legends Vs The Try Hards.

The series is played every couple of years.

This is the Ashes

This year Australias Captain is Ricky Ponting. He has 8 Ashes century's, and made 150 runs in the first innings.

This year Englands Captain is Andrew Strauss. He likes batting a lot.

Australias secret weapon is Phillip Hughes. He made the team.

Englands secret weapon is Graham Onions AKA 'The Vegtable'. He didnt make the team.

Australias best bowler is Mitchell Johnson. Mitch is a star taking 3/87 in the first innings.

Englands best bowler is Monty Panesar. He wears a funny hat.

Australias best batsman is Simon Katich. He made a century in the first innings.

Englands best batsman is Alistair Cook. He nearly made 11 runs.

The only thing that can save England in the Ashes is the Rain, cause they can't even bowl Australia out.

4 Aussies ended up with century's from the First Innings. Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman. We assume the Aussies will live happily ever after.

(Warning: This Post will sound more entertaining if you read it in an English accent, like the fat controller in Thomas The Tank Engine.)

AFL....Just when you dared to remove the Ice Pack from your forehead after watching Geelong V St Kilda, they hit you with blockbuster number 2! The Pies and the Dogs! 2 Sides so Evenly matched, you can only squeeze one measly point between them! The Pies take the cake as the Double D's (Davis & Didak) continue to wreak havock.

The game could have gone either way in the end. Just when the Pies looked to be in control, there was a 6 goal surge by the Dogs in the last quarter. And just like against the Cats, the Dogs lose by a whisker ;-)

Barry Hall has punched his last Jaw. The former Saint (St Kilda player that is, not good guy), and Current Swan retires due to anger management problems, funnily enough. Ahh Barry, we will miss your intimidating glare. He retires on this score sheet:

Barry Hall Bio

Sydney 2002-06,

-250 games

-273 goals

- 2 Knockouts

Wise man once say; 'no Ablett, no Geelong'. this week wise man say; 'no Ablett, Scarlett, Milburn, Ling, Kelly, Johnson, Ottens, Mackie and Varcoe, No F%$#ing team left at all!' Literally. The Lions pounce on the depleted Cats as Geelong lose 2 in a row for the 1st time in Joel Selwoods career.

The Crows had an impressive 117 point win over the Dockers with 'The Porpus' Jason Porplyzia getting 5 goals. Fev had a Record haul too for the Blues with 9.

In Tassie Buddy and his gut step things up at the last minute to give the Hawks a 9 point victory in the mini Blockbuster with North!

No offense Hawks but the season kinda ended a while ago.

The Dee's win 2 in a row! Yes you heard right! It's bizzaro weekend! It's been a few years since the feat has been achieved, with a lil' help from Jurrah in just his 3rd or 4th game, progressing nicely.

Rugby League..Roosters player Nate Myles defecates semi-naked in a hotel lobby. In his defence a member of the Footy Show said; 'if a naked, hungover footy player knocked on your door and asked to do a poo in your room at 3am, would you let him? Dont think so'....Maybe not but Im betting a 5 Star hotel would have a toilet in the Lobby guys. Maybe not a 2 star, but a 5 star for sure ;-).

Yes I'm aware he kind of looks like he's doing a poo in this pic, ahh the irony.

In more serious Rugby news, State of Origin 3 is on this Wednesday. Can the Blues stop the white wash and get some respect back? As long as they dont have Myles on their team, entirely possible.

Netball...Dont forget it's Finals time in the Championships this week with the Mighty Melbourne Vixens beating the New Zealand Magic 58 to 43. We will get the full story from this game as well as the Thunderbirds V Steel Semi final.

F1!....

HERALD SUN BREAKING NEWS: AUSTRALIAN Mark Webber has secured his first Formula One victory, taking out the German Grand Prix. Webber secured his maiden victory - Australia's first since 1981 - when he led teammate Sebastian Vettel home in a triumphant one-two for the Red Bull team.

OMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

FINALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

NO MORE SECOND AND THIRD PLACES FOR OUR BOY, HE'S A WINNER NOW!

YIPPPPPEEEEEE KIY-AY M.F!

THAT IS ALL.

All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

Peace out*

.*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).