You Buddy Beauty! More Buddy Puns!

AFL...This week Buddy Franklin was rubbed out for knocking out Ben Cousins with a hip and shoulder. There was outrage from Football lovers everywhere as the suspension would mean Buddy missing the last game of the season, a game Hawthorn needed to win to make the finals.

Some have become distraught at the death of the Bump, which is an integral part of our game, and some say the new head high contact rule is a disgrace becuase it does not take into account the players intentions or the spirit of the game...But I say, who gives a s#$t! Hawthorn are out of the finals!.....They didn't really need to suspend Buddy anyway, as im guessing the embarrassment those Hawthorn big heads will go through by missing out on September, will probably be punishment enough.

But wait my friends, like a good infomercial, theres more!... And we couldn't have scripted it bettter ourselves. In an odd twist, Matthew Lloyd served up a bump on Sewell to rival Buddy's....Eek hope he's ok.

This sparked big bad Campbell Brown to label Llyody Jack the Ripper....Takes one to know one Campbell.

He looks scary there with his handball doesn't he?

Brawl of the Century, or World War 3 or 4 then broke out.... Stuff the game:

Now that the shoe is on the other foot and one of Hawthorns own is the one getting bashed, Suddenly Jeff Kennett is doing back flips and is out for Bomber blood.

Cry me a River Jeff:

What followed was a chain reaction of Hawthorn revenge attacks from the disgruntled mustard and brown army. But don't dish it out, if you can't take it back....Campbell Brown responded straight away like the classy guy he is by bitch slapping Angus Monfries on the Shoulder.

Then Threatening to take revenge while running off the field and giving the point of death to the Bomber bench.

Augustus my dear boy, calm down....Pot...Kettle:

A few punches were thrown from both sides with more suspensions to come, but at least Sewelly is a good sport and made up with Llyody after the game.

Oh BTW did we mention who won? It was Essendon, and they now make the finals.

On with the Footy:

See Jobe Run:

Earlier in the week the Tigers finally decided on a new Senior Coach for 2009 in Damian Hardwick. Basically A meeting was then held to tell Richmond players just how crap they are. They were asked to shape up in the final game of the season or ship out.

5 minutes later another meeting was likely to be held to inform the palyers that no matter how well they played, these players were out the door anyway. Hows that for motivation? It motivated them straight to an 80 point defeat really. The Weagles were on fire on Friday night but note to self Tigs, don't tell players theyre canned till after the game ;-).

Either way We're just glad they have finally settled, and that someone at the Tigers has finally got some joy, by getting the Head job.

Hey Mum, look what Buddy taught me:

That is how you miss the first game of the next season.

On Saturday the Crows showed they are a real finals contender by beating the Paulpleeeezia out of the Blues. The Porpus with 6 goals last week was on fire again with 4.

Everybody say awww

Dont worry Blues you move on to Brisbane, who you've beaten twice this year already...And who the hell can compete with the Birdman anyway?

Sunday afternoon was epic as the Woods and Dogs faught for third spot, and of course the honour of playing Geelong. with a goal to Brad Johnson in the dieing minutes, the Dogs snatched 3rd spot from the Pies on percentage! Now thats down to the wire.

The top 8 has finally shaped with the week 1 finals set in concrete:

CROWS V BOMBERS

CATS V DOGS

LIONS V BLUES

SAINTS V PIES

Cricket...After an embarrassing Ashes Series the Aussie are out to claim back som pride in a 20/20. England has a run chase of 146 after Australia battled to accumulate a decent total in the Twenty20 clash at Old Trafford today.

Cameron White scored 55 and shared a 78 run partnership with Michael Clarke (27).

Broad and Collingwood take the wickets so far.

NRL....Greg Inglis returned to lead Melbourne Storm to a crushing 38-4 victory against Sydney Roosters at Olympic Park.

The Dragons continue to fall off the wagon with a 41-6 defeat to Russel Crows Rabbitohs.

While the Broncos win the Queensland derby with the Cowboys 16-10.

Don't think there was a scandal this week unless we missed something?

F1....Kimi Raikkonen rode his luck to claim Ferrari's first win this year when he held off a challenge from Giancarlo Fisichella in the Belgian Grand Prix.

Webber again missed out on the points, but so did Button after an opening lap collision. Lewis Hamiltion was also taken out. Vettel, Webbers teammate, managed third and snatched some big points moving him to third overall.

Soccer....Sydney FC nudged ahead of Gold Coast United at the top of the Hyundai A-League ladder with a 2-0 win over Wellington Phoenix at the Sydney Football Stadium on Sunday.

Gold Coast United will travel to Newcastle with a full head of steam as it looks to maintain the winning run and become the first team to win the first four games of a season in Hyundai A-League history.

ARSENAL'S unbeaten start to the English Premier League season self-destructed yesterday as they crashed to a 2-1 defeat against Manchester United

Tennis...Don't Forget the US open starts any second now......I swear.

All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

Peace out*

.*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

Your Ashes top 10

Cricket....Well what more can we say, the Ashes have literally gone up in smoke. And that was only day 2 of the 5th Test. But if you want to get ahead of the pack, and spot an Australian cricketing disaster before everyone else, you have come to the right place my friends. Here are the top 10 signs, you'll know you're f*&%#d in the Ashes:

You'll know you're f*&%#d in the Ashes when.....

1. Simon Katich is called in to bowl.

2. Instead of Commentating, Shane Warne starts talking about his DVD collection...Which surprisingly includes 'Dumb And dumber'

3. Mitchell Johnson starts taking more wickets than usual & we still can't get them all out!

4.Mike Hussey goes in to Bat...and is still generally in the side.

5. Your captain gets smashed in the face with a cricket ball....Though the fact that none of his
teeth fell out, might mean there's a slight glimmer of hope. 6.You bowl England all out for about 300, and they bowl you all out for about 160!

7. The Barmy Army runs out of real chants and starts singing Kumbaya.

8. Your batting line up colapses faster than Warnies Monogomy.

9. The Umpire calls a catch off your f*&%#^g knee!

10. Well...If Bopara actually makes any runs.

Another key sign is if you lose all your wickets between Breakfast and lunch, you have 2 days to make 500 runs (borderline im-f*&%#^g-possible), and you're praying for miracles... There, now you're an expert.

AFL... Extra, extra! Fev sheds 6 kilo's!...How did he do it? you cry. Well now that he has stopped talking crap, and having to eat his words all the time, he is getting thiner! Fevs valuable gut just mite be worth a top 4 spot for the Blues! And with one less forward with a belly, we can go back to focusing on taking the piss out of buddy's. Carlton beat the Dee's on the weekend by a massive margin...but it doesn't really count though cause it was against Melbourne.
Russel Robertson has been told he will be 'moved on' at the end of the season, as part of the Demons 'rebuilding phase'. But Robbo still wants to play on, so where will he end up? Maybe we should just raffle him off to a club with a Hamper and a chook, just like the league did with Ben Cousins when nobody wanted him. We're sure the Tigs will give Robbo a good home if there isn't anyone else who will....Anyway the Guy kicked about 5 goals on the weekend so he can still play...and is addiction free. I'd probably retire on a high too, pardon the pun.
The coaching Crap-athon continues with the Roos selecting their new coach. North Melbourne says ' haha we fooled you! It's Brad, not Bucks!'...Jokes on you guys; Bucks was number 1 choice, Longmire was number 2, so that means you got Bronze Roos! It's sad for a club when the Richmond job is more saught after than your own.
The Tigs have things narrowed down to two potential new coaches; Hinkley or Hardwick. Will they take a star Cats backman, or Hawthorns Premiership hangover leftovers? Sounds more appealing if we say former Port Adelaide champion and Premiership player. Rawlings must feel like a bad consolation prize, when those two come to their senses and decide not to take the job.
Huge Friday night for the Dogs, beating the Cats at the Dome. The Cats looked out of it, losing Paul Chapman, but managed to claw their way to the front by 3 quarter time. It seemed like the Dogs were going to bury the Cats in points, but In the End the Scrays cruised home by about 15. Geelong looking like coming apart at the wrong end of the season again. At least Moony's lost the Yips.
So what do you do when your team is shit and ou have no hope of winning a Premiership? You try to belt the suitcase out of everyone on the other team...right Buddy? at least it was your shoulder that did the damage this time and not your gut....Ah see we're back.

The Hawks beat the Tigers and keep their finals hopes alive, any chance of beeing threatening for the title still remains dead.

Its official, we're declaring Port Adelaide Legally Insane!....The AFL's Schizos kicked 10 goals in the First quarter and were 40 points ahead of Brisbane at the first break. They then went on to kick zero goals in the second quarter??? And even leading by about 17 at three quarter time, still managed to lose the game by around the same margin...The men in the white coats are coming.

The Pies took down the Swans, even with poor kicking on Dunday. Heath Shaw tackled Dane Swan on the weekend, only problem was the tackle went on for a little bit too long, so long it was a borderline hug. Looks like Heath is lonely and really misses the Pies. He took every opportunity to get as close as possible to his lover Dane.

Just when we thought Essendon were the Shiz for beating the Saints, turns out anyone can beat them, even North Melbourne. And the Dons thrashed by the Dockers??? WTF is going on? I retire trying to predict this game. Saints captain Nick Riewoldt again had a chance to at least draw the game, this time before the siren. His kick from 50 is touched on the line and that makes two in a row for the not so invincibles.

The Bombers finals chances look shot and it seems like Subiaco is the new SCG. The Bermuda Triangle of Football, where good teams go in, but they never emerge the same. At least the Dockers put a win together for their last home game. Something for the fans to cheer about after they failed to tank for the priority pick.

NRL....The big Grand Final rematch was on between the Storm and Manly this week. The game wasn't pretty but it gave a much needed boost to last years Premiers after a poor start to the Season. Manly win 20 to 16.

St George has suffered yet another surprising loss to the Broncos, which leaves the door open for the Bulldogs in the comp. The Dragons went down with only 2 on the Board to Brisbanes 12. Are the Dragons going pear shaped at the wrong end of the season just like StKilda in the AFL???......Ask us in about 5 weeks :-p.

F1....The European GP has finished up with a great win to Brawns Rubens Barrichello. It looked like McLaren were back on track and would dominate after qualifying, but Rubens took the top spot even without teamate Button on the Podium. Lewis Hamilton was second with Raikonen 3rd. Poor Mark Webber scraped into the top 10...The race is so mch more exciting when he does well.

Interviews...we talk to Alpha Magazine senior writer Anthony Sharwood about the big 50th edition Bonanza!...And we find out how an Ablett finally made it on the cover!
We also chat to VWFL media Manager leesa Catto about the Womens Aussie rules Grand Final on the weekend.

Athletics...Congrats to Dani Samuel for winning gold for the girls in the Discus! Go Aussie.

And Steve Hooker takes Gold in the Pole Vault after a tough week with injury worries.

And Queenslander Mitchell Watt takes Bronze in the Long Jump...Not a bad day at the office.

All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

Peace out*

.*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

This S%#t is gettin' Biblical!

AFL...Another David V Goliath match and as this time David finally wins! The Saints are beatable and vulnerable, and who better to knock them off than the team that set the very record they were trying to break. The record they have failed to break 2 rounds early!...With recent losses to the Cats and Saints, who knows what the F#$k will happen in September! One things for sure, no team will go a whole home and away season without defeat!..Didn't see that one coming after that loss to West Coast Bombers??...It couldn't be more shocking to the Footy world.....ok maybe if we told you Freo or Richmond beat the Saints. It couldn't have been closer too with Nick Riewolt having a shot after the siren; a goal to win, a point to lose...Opps I think he missed.

It was a landmark week in Football as we welcome the first piece of crappy West Sydney merchandise into the world....A weak ass T-shirt:

And a weak ass logo on it:

Yes welcome to the West Sydney team. GWS of course stands for???...Greater Wanking Suburbs, or if you prefer Greater West Sydney. Whats with the G seriously?

That giant orange cyst in the background is supposed to be the Sun, which you'd think would belong to the Gold Coast Logo?...So far most people have mistaken it for Ayres Rock, which you'd think would belong to an NT team? But the weird orange mound doesn't seem to look like either. The logo will most likely end up on a Psychologists flash cards to determine exactly WTF it is???..In related news, GWS has been mistaken as an Acronym for a discount Supermarket chain. It's the new Ritchies IGA! The whole thing looks like it was produced in my Garage.

One man thankfull he will not be coaching West Sydney, is John Longmire. The Swans have copied the Pies and will introduce Longmire as new Coach of the Swans, Nathan Buckly/Mick Malthouse style. Paul Roos will automaticlly be shoved aside at the end of next year. After standing up in the coaches box all night on Saturday, it looked like he might be jumping ship early. And once again North Melbourne miss their man.

I know Junior, we won by a bee's dick!...Aint it great.

The Swans finals hopes have been snuffed, but only just by the Cats. It was just about match of the round as another heart stoppers see's many Cats fans fitted with Pacemakers. 5 minutes of tense stoppages usually the Swans saviour, this time Geelong's.

At quarter time the Hawks were 4 or 5 goals up on the Crows who barely scored, and just when you thought the Hawkes were back....they're not!...The Crows turned that around in the second quarter with 5 goals to zip. It was Green round, and appropriately that was the exact shade the Hawks fans faces turned when they saw the new score. wholly Jason Porplyzia, the Crows are back!

The Pies completely destroyed the Tigs at the G on Saturday arvo. Jake King punches Alan Didak in the heat of the battle, which isn't a wise move, to punch a guy that mingles with the Mafia. The fight had everything, even alleged biting. The teeth marks will be examined at the tribunal to determine the offender

The Eagles definitely aren't tanking anymore, but we are starting to wonder if North are? 3 wins in a row and the weags are on fire.

Port Reclaim their Schizo title from the Eagles by losing a game at home. The only place they have been able to win of late.

Judd Gettin' Visy wid it in Green round.

The Dogs have gained back some respect too after losing to the Eagles, with a sold win over the Lions at the Gabba.

And now to the big news from the Sunday Arvo blockbuster at the MCG...MELBOURNE V FREMANTLE!....And it wasn't even close in the battle for the Wooden spoon. The D's won the points and still keep the priority pick. Now thats well disguised tanking strategy ;-).

Cricket...Shane Watson has declared his great urge for a century in the Fifth Ashes Test. He said this week he freaks out about making a lot of runs and feels the pressure...This just in, you're Human Shane! congrats...Watson made 93 against the Lions this week. that'll do.

There was drama at the Aussies Hotel as a smoke alarm went off this week, leaving the team standing out in the street in the early hours of the morning. At first it was believed the Balmy Army set off the alarm as a payback prank on the Australian team. This was because the Aussie fans 'the fanatics' set off a smoke alarm as a prank on the English team on the 1st day of the Headingly test, leaving the Poms out in the rain at 5am... pfffffft.... It turns out it was just a false alarm, set off by some dodgy underwear left too close to a heater.
The culprits:

We're not entirely sure of the Englsih teams innocence in the matter. The underwear is believed to belong to Freddy Flintoff. The evidence is overwhelming;

See, told you they were his.

Freddy is tipped to be fit for the 5th test but things seem to be rocky on the English team. It has been revealed this week Flintoff and captain Strauss had a feud after Freddy was left out of the 4th test. Englands problems continue with Bopara and Cook scoring 1 and 4 for Essex against Middlesex. Ramprash is tipped as a replacment for Bopara who claims he is ready for Test Cricket after winning Dancing with the stars :-s...It's a good thing hes not a bowler cause he sounds like a real tosser.

NRL...Melbourne Storm star Greg Inglis has been stood down from his playing duties after beeing involved in an alleged scandal. Greg will appear in court under charges of assulting his girlfriend Rebecca. Reports say his girlfriend will step forward with news to clear his name though. It looks like his innocence might be genuinely declared by this in court, as long as he doen't use the Wayne Carey defence, or that of the Sharks CEO; my fist slipped onto her eye, I swear...Classy guys.

Meanwhile back at the FOOTBALL....The Raiders beat St George in a shock upset 24 to 12!

The Raiders came from 12-0 down in a bruising clash at Canbera Stadium. They smashed the Dragons on the scoreboard, and smashed them unconscious...hope he's ok :-/.

Soccer...A superb free kick has earned Wellington a 2-1 win over Perth on a rain soaked stadium in Wellington. Bertos made the shot.

Melbourne and Brisbane have shared a 3-3 draw, which saw the hosts come from 2 down at half time to pinch a point! Go Victory!

Tennis..In a weird twis at the Montreal master, Rapha Nadal spent only 36 minutes in his comeback match as David Ferer retired hurt trailing 4-3 in the second round. Nadal hasnt played since May.

Clijsters keeps her comeback on track and wins in Cincinati after a 2 year absence; 6-2, 7-5 over Switzerland's Patty Shnyder.

Tsonga beats Fed in Montreal after fighting back from 5-1 down, to end Rogers 21 game winning streak. 'Yo Adrian! we did it!';

All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

Peace out*

.*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.