When good Tigers go Bad

Golf....Well it isnt really golf news, but he happens to be a golfer. Straight out of the tabloids, the Worlds best player is reported to have gone wild! The usually tame, straight shooting Tiger has turned potential bad boy overnight. After a domestic argument with his wife, rumours report Tiger to have driven down his own driveway, with his wife chasing after him, beating the car with a golf club! The perfect couple are giving Britney a little competition for flying off the rails, only weeks after the two celebrity's were competing for popularity in Melbourne. Further reports say Tiger was found unconscious after driving his car into a fire hydrant and one of their own trees. Can you sing '1,2,3 come join rehab with me?'. Yet Police say alcohol was surprisingly not involved. His wife claims she was using the golf club to free Tiger from the car, but you would think opening one of the doors mite be a more appropriate option...No?...Just me?

The before picture?:


Further rumours are circulating that Tiger had an affair with Rachel Uchitel in Australia, causing his wife to chase after him in a rage. It could be weeks or even years before we learn the actual truth about this one. But until then we will enjoy the possibility of drama and be on the lookout for awol Tigers on the streets.

In actual Golf related news Leigh McKechnie conquered difficult conditions and a quality field to score the biggest win of his golf career, taking the NSW Open by one shot at The Vintage....... And Italy have won the Golf World cup after beating out Ireland and Sweeden.

Cricket...Well it's almost as bad as we anticipated in the Australia v West Indies test series. It's so bad even the Windies can't help but laugh about it. Skipper Chris Gayle blasted the West Indies' capitulation at the Gabba as a "disaster" as a ruthless Australian side threatened to turn the summer into a Calypso cakewalk. The tourists slumped to a humiliating defeat inside three days, with unheralded bowlers Ben Hilfenhaus and Nathan Hauritz giving Australia first blood with victory by an innings and 65 runs.

*Oh how funny, we didn't make any runs mon*:

Hilfenhaus's man-of-the-match performance in the Gabba Test - capped by taking 3-20 in the second innings - ensured his name is on everyone's lips. Hauritz took a cool 5 wickets for himself somewhere amongst the thrashing.

AFL....Melbournes favourite lost puppy: Luke Ball, has finally found himself in a scary Magpie nest. Collingwood swooped with its first selection, pick 30. He has now strengthened his chances of playing senior footy, and his mob connections in one go. Former team mate Mat Maguire is seeking a home at the Lions. Hope he's read the Fev manual and knows what he's in for.

Melbourne earnt their priority pick by losing nearly every game for two years. And the prize for this? The number 1 and 2 draft picks: Tom Scully and Jack Trengove. And your parents always told you wimning would ensure success, pfffffffft ha!...... Welcome boys to AFL footy, and years of really really bad times.

Basketball...Lauren Jackson, the world's best female basketballer, is returning to the WNBL to play the rest of the current season with the Canberra Capitals. The Opals superstar became available after opting out of a two-year deal with Russian club side Spartak Moscow following the assassination of team owner Shabtai von Kalmanovich.....Well can't say we blame her.

In the NBL, the Gold Coast Blaze have shown they are the real deal this season with an 82-78 win at Challenge Stadium over the Perth Wildcats. The Crocs have defeated the Adelaide 36ers 100-88 at 'The Swamp' on Friday night.

Interviews....We talk to A-Shar about the latest edition of Alpha magazine, which coincidently has that man Tiger on the Cover....Hrrm topical.

We also talk to the winners of the Pink sofa tennis cup, our very own Victorians :-). Yippe Kya MF.

All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.


Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

The Sports Lounge Report....Confidential

Crawford Report.....So this week the Crawford Report was released. I know... who the hell is Crawford?...Some guy who decided to write a report that pissed a few people off. At the same time he is sports new Robin Hood; Steal from the rich sports and give to the poor. There hasn't been this much hype over a report since Jerry Maguire handed out his memo...It's a mission statement!

Here are a few samples from the Report:

-'Australian sport administration is out of date, clumsily structured, afflicted by duplication and weighed down by competition between bodies that should be allies.'

-'Australia's sense of self-worth is intrinsically and vitally tied up in how many medals this country wins in a grandiose quadrennial carnival of sports that, though eminently worthy in themselves.'

- 'the standing model overlooks changes in society - wrought by immigration and technology, for instance - and neglects community sport both for its intrinsic worth and as source of players and followers of elite sports.'

-It says the only identifiable benchmark used to assess success is Olympic medals. These, it says, come at an exorbitant cost, perhaps $15 million a gold medal.

-If there is $100 million to spare for sport in the Government's budget, it would be more profitably spent at the grassroots.

-It says Australians must learn to lower their expectations, but widen their outlook, to recognise and be proud of the achievement of finishing in the top eight in some events.

-The report implies what we will say outright, that it would be a poor reflection of our maturity as a nation if we continued to live and die exclusively by our Olympic medal tally.


Not only does the report state that Olympic medals are expensive, but that they are damaging our ego's. Does it set a good example to kids by telling them that winning is not the only thing that counts? Or does it encourage the kids to just give up, cause who needs medals and success?..Be a bloody underachiever son! Crawford said it's ok...Who the hell is Crawford????????????

On the plus side it looks like there will be more funding for Community sports. Which is good news for the little guys, and even the gay guys. So maybe this this Crawf guy is ok after all.

Interviews...We will ask our secret undercover agent Rob Mitchell what he thinks of the report tonight.

We also speak to Jayne Monroe about Caster Semenya,the recent transgender allegations and controversy over her gold medal win.


AFL....Adam McPhee has walked out of the Bomber this week, rejecting a generous 2 year deal. Since the news of leaving the club has made Campbell Brown revenge type statements such as....*cant wait till we come up against him next year*...hint hint...nudge nudge, we might break his face. But he is going to Freo so they might turn their agression to pity when they realise he's already taken himself down, so there's no need to.

Luke Ball is still floating in a see of uncertainty, and homeless....Which club will he go to???...Rumours around town say say he will be at Carlton next year. Wouldn't think they have room for him in the midfield, what with the 'FAB FOUR' and all...pffffffft. The fab four that couldn't even win a finals game against bunch of Brisbane juniors.....yeah come to think of it they could use Luke Ball. Saved his skin though, before the Blues came along he was destined for Melbourne, even with his preference for the Pies or Bombers (mortal enemy's).

Luke Ball...Or an angry drenched rat in a guernsey?:

The Countdown is on for the draft next Thursday. It was looking like Tom Scully would be the number 1 pick, however Jack Trengove could pinch the spot at the last minute. The Demons declared earlier in the year they would take Scully no matter what, but can they resist a fitter body? If they follow the Crawford report, they should pick the shitest possible player at maybe pick 100, and prove that overachieving is overrated.

Soccer...Melbourne has bounced back from last week's shock 4-0 loss at home to Central Coast, reclaiming top spot on the Hyundai A-League ladder with a gutsy 1-0 win over Brisbane at Suncorp Stadium on Saturday night...few! *wipes sweat*



An angry Ireland has called on FIFA to allow its World Cup play-off with France to be played again, as a dispute over Thierry Henry's blatant handball threatened to become a diplomatic row. What??? A Ref missing a crucial decision?????? Unheard of! France is now into the World cup after beating Ireland, when the winning goal was scored after a hand ball. Henry has since admitted to touching the ball with his hand, but wasn't prepared to speak up at the time. He chose to save Frances sorry ass.


Cricket.... Heeeeeeeeee's Baaaaaaaaack. The king of Spin!

Shane Warne was back in action during the Allstars v Australia XI Twenty20 match at the Gabba. Looking younger than his 40 years, the great Shane Warne returned to cricket last night but it was a 39-year-old Pigeon who stole the show. Without a wrinkle on his face and having lost six kilograms, Warne drew the biggest cheer when he came onto bowl for the All Stars against an Australian XI at the Gabba.

However it was "Pigeon'' Glenn McGrath (3-18 off four overs) who stole the limelight. In an attempt to out-do McGrath, Shanes gut attempted to bowl a ball for the crowd. It was less than impressive.

The West Indies are now beeing called 'The Worst' indies, after only forcing a draw with the Queensland team. After losing captain Chris Gayle the team and the scoreboard crumbled for the lads.

*Oh s#$t mon, we suck*:

Basketball...The Cairns Taipans last night broke an 11-year losing streak at The Cage with a thrilling three-point victory - 86-83 - over the Melbourne Tigers at the State Netball and Hockey Centre. Dammit us Tigers can't catch a break...First we nearly get kicked out of the league, now we can't win.

On a positive note Liz Cambage has been setting the WNBL scene alight with the Bulleen Boomers, and has set her sights on taking on the world. Finally some good news for Victorians.

All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.


Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

How to stalk a Tiger....Like a Tiger!

Golf...He's Famous, he's rich, he even owns his own budget Airline. So from the Moment Tiger Woods stepped off the plane, the paparazzi were stalking him. It was on like Donkey Kong. There were camera men hiding in shrubs, on roof tops and even stalking in Hellicopters. And Britney thought it was all for her. They chased him from location to location. But none of the press actually woke up and thought of the most obvious place to look for Tiger....A F&%$*@g GOLF COURSE!

Let the stalking begin:
Tiger steps out for a quick bite to eat:

The Hellicopters move in for the kill:

And then there was the Masters. But it wasn't easy to convince Tiger to come to Australia. Of course nobody would come to a beautiful Country with lovely warm weather of their own free will. So we had to pay him 3 billion dollars...or something close to.

Tiger clearly in need of Cash...And on the Golf course:

It was all looking good, and for our investment to pay off. Tiger was playing well, and then on the second last day of the Tournament, Tiger had a bad day, and Aus's Greg Chalmers was hot on Tigers heels. Feeling the impending embarrasment of beeing nothing more than a show pony, Tiger went back to the hotel and practiced his swing. On the last day he came out and stepped it up. He opened with a Birdie and finished 14 under the Card to take the win....and a feral mustard jacket...yaaaaaaaaaaaay!...during the presentation Tiger also said he would come back nex year and play again. But what else is he gonna say on the spot?: screw you i've got money out you now I aint commin back. Or will he just up the next fee, and blame it on a bad economy.

After receiving another giant cheque, Tiger blushed and tried to make his money grubbing not look quite as damaging. He told us all not to worry cause he's helping our economy, due to the fact that he brought his Mum to Aus and she had already spent all of his money here. He then asked how to buy a Koala and a Kangaroo?...Why don't you quit while you're ahead man.


AFL....Well it actually happened. No it's not just that he's no longer wearing green spandex, Sheeds is actually going to coach West Sydney in 2012! Is it because they think he will make a good coach, or just to stop him from constantly making a dick of himself in his spare time?...Only time will tell.


On a more serious note Richo is retiring. Just when he was hitting his prime, it's time to hang up the boots, and the hamstring. His body had had enough and he just couldn't play on. We will miss the aggression, we will miss the goals, but most of all we will miss him going off his tree, and abusing his team mates for not passing the ball to him....Farewell Richo...a tear.


The Lions have received a new sponsor for the 2010 season, and with that comes a new look logo on their jumpers. This week the new home guernsey was launched with underwhelming changes.
The new jumper...A lion:

This is the Lions previous jumper:...also a lion. As you can see the only thing that has basically changed is that the Lion now has a face. It's all pretty pointless. It reminds me of the time the mkaers of Connect Four brought out connect Five....did anyone really notice the difference????????

Soccer....the 10-man Socceroos have scored a stunning 2-1 Group B qualifier victory over Oman today to put them in pole position to make the Asian Cup finals in 2011.

Australia were forced to play one man short for 75 minutes after losing defender Rhys Williams to a red card, as well as fight back from a goal down.

And the world is in shock with New Zealand actually winning thier qualifying game.A headed goal from Rory Fallon and a penalty save by Mark Paston have carried New Zealand to the World Cup finals in South Africa next year. And they are in the finals for the first time since 1982.

Basketball.... A sixthversus eighth encounter is unlikely to generate much anticipation in many leagues, but there was plenty to be interested in when the Tigers hosted the Townsville Crocodiles at the Cage last night. New Tiger Julius Hodge top scored on debut with 22 points. Even though it wasn't evough to give the Tigs the win. They lost 98 to 91 to Townsville.

Interview.....We chat to Michelle Rigg, a representative of the upcoming Pink Sofa Cup. The cup is the only Lesbian tennis tournament in Australia. It's the Ashes of the Lesbian Tennis World!

All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.


Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

What? The Country has run out of shocking Puns already?

Horse Racing...Melbourne CUP!....Yes yes shocking win by a shocking outsider wearing a shocking reverse Richmond like top. We get it, it was a shocking surprise. And yes it was a shock that the winner wasn't trained by Bart Cummings. And yes it was a shock that Corey Brown the winning Jockey on Shocking almost nearly had the cup taken away from him for Shockingly whipping the horse after the race was over.

And it was even a shock to the bookies when the favourite did'nt win and they shat themselves at the prospect of paying up about 10 to 1 odds. Can you imagine how many interesting headlines we could come up if a horse called 'whollymother#$&^*&#Christ' won?

Shocking, with his shocking Jockey Corey Brown, in his shocking outfit:

Trainer Mark Kavanagh kisses the Cup with winning Jockey Coery Brown:

We still can't work out if the Oaks is the most fashionest day of the year, or if it is the pickingupest most day of the year for straight men on trains...Either way there were a few horse races on as well we hear. Bart Cummings was back on the winners list again with hot favourite 'Faint Perfume' taking the VRC Oaks by a neck at Flemington. At least he got a win at the famous track, even if it wasn't the big one. Yes yes strong perfume would've been better.

Faint Perfume passes Valdemoro:

Lat but not least, 'All American' stormed home past 'So you Think' to win the Emirates Stakes. It was trainer David Hayes 6th win for this race. And who should pop up as the Jockey, wearing Richmond colours again?? Yes Corey Brown. He's having a good week ey.

Baseball....well the World series has finally concluded with the Yankees wining their 27th World Champion title. They crushed the Phillies 7-3 in the sixth game. Yes, Yes we know, a closer representation of the World should include more than America and Canada. But if you ask the Yanks that they will tell you the rest of the World would be allowed to compete if they were damn good enough!. Therefore I am happy to announce that the Geelong Cats are World Champions of AFL!....Sounds good to me.

Don't need to be a genius to know what they are saying: "Yeah Baby!":

Hideki Matsui earned the series MVP blasting a home run to the second deck in the right field. The monster hit reinforced his nickname.

MVP Matsui, aka GODZILLA!:

The World Champions of America...Does that make sense?...."hell yeah baby!"

The Phillies were outplyed and failed to win back to back titles. This had not been achieved since the Reds in 1976.

Golf......We got him!...no its not Sadam or Osama, we got Tiger!...We managed to lure him to Australia for the Masters, for the discount price of only 1 million dollars! It must be hard coming to a beautiful Country with great weather and great beaches, we should pay the poor guy.

Channel 9 will be showing the Tournament and surprise, surprise giving Eddie McGuire another gig as host. Poor Eddie, like Tiger, he's one more member of the Community sorely in need of cash.

Cricket.... Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! No its not Shakira, It's Mitchell Johnson claiming 3 for 39 in an injury ridden Aussie team against India (game 6). Bollinger was pretty pumped too with an equal career best of 5 for 35!

Shane Watson was solid on 49. Indias Jadeja hit 57 and Kumar 54, but it was too late. The runs only saved the home side from total embarrassment. Not a bad effort by a team that has lost Haddin, M Clarke, Bracken, Ferguson, Hopes, Lee, Paine, Siddle, and Henriques to injury in the space of an hour!

The Howl of Victory:

AFL.... Is it a bird?..Is it a plane?...No it's an idiot. In a cape. When you're applying for a role as Coach of one of the next big AFL clubs, what should you do to establish credability? Dress up in a fricken green cape and black spandex with green undies on the outside of your clothes, I hear you cry?....

Did'nt you learn anything when applying for the Richmond job? Which from memory, didn't quite work out for you...or did it?...were you in fact spared from years of embarrassment?.....We take it all back, go get yourself some feathers and pom poms. Nobody wants a piece of Greater West who gives a rats.

Interesting Resume Sheeds:

No, no, no , no...That is about all I have to say. nathan Ablett wins a Premiership with Geelong, then claims he doesn't like footy, and wants to be a carpenter like Jesus. He waits a bit, Gary tries to talk him back to footy but fails. He then rises from the dead 2 years later to sign a deal with the Gold Coast in 2011, and instead becomes the AFL's new Judas. Check your but cheeck mate, there is a stamp on it that says 'property of Corio and the GFC'.

If that was'nt bad enough, Nathan is hoping brother Gary (Officially best player in the League) will join him at the Gold Coast Judas's... Hands off our Gary Nathan. If you want him at the Gold Coast you're gonna have to pry him from the Kung Fu grip of greater Geelong!

All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

The Race that stops a few Gays

Horse Racing...It's supposed to be the race that stops a Nation but if you ask our community what the Melbourne cup is, most will say it's just a day off work to watch a few healthy Pony's strut around a track. Or that it's one of the biggest fashion days of the year. Or even that it's just a day where a lot of straight men pick up on trains. It seems there's something for everyone, even if they don't stop to take any notice of it.

So whats all the fuss about? Why is it so serious then? Maybe because trainer Jake Stephens has 'beefed up security around Alcopop as he takes no chances with the Melbourne Cup second favourite'. Thats right it's so serious there is a high fear of HORSE SABOTAGE! chose your carrots wisely mmmmwwwhhhhhaaaaaa.

A security guard they borrowed from the Peel:

The field of extremely serious Melbourne Cup contenders, in order of relatively serious faviouritism:

EFFICIENT
ALCOPOP
VIEWED
ROMAN EMPEROR
ZIPPING
MASTER OREILLY
DAFFODIL
CHANGINGOFTHEGUARD
VIGOR
MOURILYAN
LEICA DING
SHOCKING
WARRINGAH
ALLEZ WONDER
CEST LA GUERRE
KIRKLEES
MUNSEF
CAPECOVER
FIUMICINO
CIMA DE TRIOMPHE
BASALTICO
DANDAAD
CRIME SCENE
HUME
ISTA KAREEM
ZAVITE
NEWPORT
HARRIS TWEED
KIBBUTZ
GALLIONS REACH
HISSING SID
THINK MONEY
HOORANG
NAVAL ESCORT
SPIN AROUND
CAPE BRETON
CATS FUN
SIX OCLOCK NEWS
OAK HEART
BRITOMART

But we can't forget the winner of the big Victoria Derby. The regally named New Zealand-bred colt Monaco Consul stormed to victory in yesterday's 155th Victoria Derby, watched by a crowd of 108,000. Perhaps we fogot to mention it cause the horse has such an underwhelming name. And because Bart cummings didn't train the horse. Just about the only race he hasnt won all year.

Winning trainer Mike Moroney and Jockey Corey Brown with the Derby Trophy:

Bart is hoping for back to back Cup wins with last years winner Viewed drawing the hallowed barrier nine. Jeez, at least give the other horses a sporting chance. Whatever happened to handicaps?

Mr Ed Interview update...Wednesday will be the biggest racing day of the year, and we still can't get Ed to do an Interview! Ed's manager Wilbur has clearly stated that the Palamino will not be available for comment on the big day. Ed insists that Melbourne cup day is strictly to be spent eating with friends.
F1...After snatching a last minute pole position, Lewis thought he could finally breathe easy without his boss breathing down his neck. The Red Bulls were poised with Sebastian Vettel and our Mark Webber qualifying 2nd and third. However during the race the disaster struck for Lewis, and he was forced to retire. Vettel romped home with our boy Mark 2nd. After finishing first in the last race Mark is now one of the worlds best! To quote Mark after his first win 'You F&*^*&^*&^*&^*&^n beauty!

New driver Kobayashi scores his first points of the season since being relased from prison, after filming The Usual Suspects.

Soccer... A Carlos Hernandez brace has helped Melbourne break its Perth hoodoo, defeating the Glory 2-1 on Sunday afternoon at ME Bank Stadium. Woo hoo!

Sydney FC have maintained their grip on top spot of the ladder with an entertaining 3-1 win over Wellington Phoenix at the SFS on Sunday

Cricket... After a great start Australia trail India 2/1 in Nagpur. Not even Husseys 81 off 82 could save us in the third game. We have now lost the last 2 matches and have unofficially derailed :-s. Dhoni's 71 not out was a highligh for the home team.



captain Ricky Ponting says it's not "all doom and gloom" as we attempt to level the contest in Chandigarh today.

Golf.... England’s Ian Poulter held off a brave challenge from Liang Wen-chong of China to claim a thrilling one-stroke victory at the Barclays Singapore Open on Sunday for his first triumph in two years.

The Ryder Cup star battled to a one-over-par 72 at the Sentosa Golf Club to complete a wire-to-wire victory in the star-studded US$5 million event co-sanctioned by the Asian Tour and European Tour for the first time. It was Poulter’s eighth career European Tour win, which was worth US$833,330, and his first since winning the 2007 Dunlop Phoenix Open in Japan. However, the flamboyant Englishman needed to overcome a mid-round wobble with four bogeys over six holes to end his title drought.

Big ass Mo Fo'n trophy:


AFL...well the 2009 season has only just ended, but the AFL has decided it's time for Geelong to end its Premiership celebrations and move on. I'm still not done though. Regardless Your 2010 fixture has been released:

AFL FIXTURE

Happy days for the Bombers and North melbourne. The two rebuilding teams are being forced to sweat it out against the top teams. Essendon play the top four teams from 09 twice! Plus hawthorn and Carlton Twice! The Roos play the top teams StKilda and the Bulldogs twice! Way to break their already dieing spirit. The Cats don't get to unveil their flag till round four, and Stkilda don't play them till round 13! Way to let them seek some revenge.

The Blues and the Tigers open the year again just so we can see the two Ex Eagles talk some trash. Why not keep in line with the rest of the fixture and just have Carlton and Richmond play every week? A tad lop-sided.

All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

Peace out*.

*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.