The Sports Lounge Report....Confidential

Crawford Report.....So this week the Crawford Report was released. I know... who the hell is Crawford?...Some guy who decided to write a report that pissed a few people off. At the same time he is sports new Robin Hood; Steal from the rich sports and give to the poor. There hasn't been this much hype over a report since Jerry Maguire handed out his memo...It's a mission statement!

Here are a few samples from the Report:

-'Australian sport administration is out of date, clumsily structured, afflicted by duplication and weighed down by competition between bodies that should be allies.'

-'Australia's sense of self-worth is intrinsically and vitally tied up in how many medals this country wins in a grandiose quadrennial carnival of sports that, though eminently worthy in themselves.'

- 'the standing model overlooks changes in society - wrought by immigration and technology, for instance - and neglects community sport both for its intrinsic worth and as source of players and followers of elite sports.'

-It says the only identifiable benchmark used to assess success is Olympic medals. These, it says, come at an exorbitant cost, perhaps $15 million a gold medal.

-If there is $100 million to spare for sport in the Government's budget, it would be more profitably spent at the grassroots.

-It says Australians must learn to lower their expectations, but widen their outlook, to recognise and be proud of the achievement of finishing in the top eight in some events.

-The report implies what we will say outright, that it would be a poor reflection of our maturity as a nation if we continued to live and die exclusively by our Olympic medal tally.


Not only does the report state that Olympic medals are expensive, but that they are damaging our ego's. Does it set a good example to kids by telling them that winning is not the only thing that counts? Or does it encourage the kids to just give up, cause who needs medals and success?..Be a bloody underachiever son! Crawford said it's ok...Who the hell is Crawford????????????

On the plus side it looks like there will be more funding for Community sports. Which is good news for the little guys, and even the gay guys. So maybe this this Crawf guy is ok after all.

Interviews...We will ask our secret undercover agent Rob Mitchell what he thinks of the report tonight.

We also speak to Jayne Monroe about Caster Semenya,the recent transgender allegations and controversy over her gold medal win.


AFL....Adam McPhee has walked out of the Bomber this week, rejecting a generous 2 year deal. Since the news of leaving the club has made Campbell Brown revenge type statements such as....*cant wait till we come up against him next year*...hint hint...nudge nudge, we might break his face. But he is going to Freo so they might turn their agression to pity when they realise he's already taken himself down, so there's no need to.

Luke Ball is still floating in a see of uncertainty, and homeless....Which club will he go to???...Rumours around town say say he will be at Carlton next year. Wouldn't think they have room for him in the midfield, what with the 'FAB FOUR' and all...pffffffft. The fab four that couldn't even win a finals game against bunch of Brisbane juniors.....yeah come to think of it they could use Luke Ball. Saved his skin though, before the Blues came along he was destined for Melbourne, even with his preference for the Pies or Bombers (mortal enemy's).

Luke Ball...Or an angry drenched rat in a guernsey?:

The Countdown is on for the draft next Thursday. It was looking like Tom Scully would be the number 1 pick, however Jack Trengove could pinch the spot at the last minute. The Demons declared earlier in the year they would take Scully no matter what, but can they resist a fitter body? If they follow the Crawford report, they should pick the shitest possible player at maybe pick 100, and prove that overachieving is overrated.

Soccer...Melbourne has bounced back from last week's shock 4-0 loss at home to Central Coast, reclaiming top spot on the Hyundai A-League ladder with a gutsy 1-0 win over Brisbane at Suncorp Stadium on Saturday night...few! *wipes sweat*



An angry Ireland has called on FIFA to allow its World Cup play-off with France to be played again, as a dispute over Thierry Henry's blatant handball threatened to become a diplomatic row. What??? A Ref missing a crucial decision?????? Unheard of! France is now into the World cup after beating Ireland, when the winning goal was scored after a hand ball. Henry has since admitted to touching the ball with his hand, but wasn't prepared to speak up at the time. He chose to save Frances sorry ass.


Cricket.... Heeeeeeeeee's Baaaaaaaaack. The king of Spin!

Shane Warne was back in action during the Allstars v Australia XI Twenty20 match at the Gabba. Looking younger than his 40 years, the great Shane Warne returned to cricket last night but it was a 39-year-old Pigeon who stole the show. Without a wrinkle on his face and having lost six kilograms, Warne drew the biggest cheer when he came onto bowl for the All Stars against an Australian XI at the Gabba.

However it was "Pigeon'' Glenn McGrath (3-18 off four overs) who stole the limelight. In an attempt to out-do McGrath, Shanes gut attempted to bowl a ball for the crowd. It was less than impressive.

The West Indies are now beeing called 'The Worst' indies, after only forcing a draw with the Queensland team. After losing captain Chris Gayle the team and the scoreboard crumbled for the lads.

*Oh s#$t mon, we suck*:

Basketball...The Cairns Taipans last night broke an 11-year losing streak at The Cage with a thrilling three-point victory - 86-83 - over the Melbourne Tigers at the State Netball and Hockey Centre. Dammit us Tigers can't catch a break...First we nearly get kicked out of the league, now we can't win.

On a positive note Liz Cambage has been setting the WNBL scene alight with the Bulleen Boomers, and has set her sights on taking on the world. Finally some good news for Victorians.

All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.


Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.