AFL... IT'S BAAAAAAAAAAAACKKKKKKKKKKKK!

AFL...Its been oh so long since our first love has started off our blog, but we feel its time. We also feel its time for the AFL to get over the Ben Cousins vs Judd hype, which no longer exists btw. They should let two worthier teams open the season, like, oh I don't know, maybe the PREMIERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Melbourne and Richmond could have put on a closer game than that. Speaking of, one of the Demons finest is now Carltons finest, good ol Brock McLean.

Eddie Maguire has come and and claimed to have known gay AFL players. And being the president of Collingwood, it seems theres a good chance that is the team they are from. He's also indicated this was a while ago, again possibly narrowing it down to the senior list at the club. We don't know who exactly he is referring to, but we do know he's probably the first person in the AFL to admit that GAY footy players do walk among us! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, is if we didn't already know.

The footy was creepy this weekend, with 3 teams victorious by 56 points ohhhhhhhhhh scary. Even scarier is this photo of Gary Ablett in a Gold Coast uniform! Whoever came up with this must be desperate, Gold Coast Gary is Geelong Gary for at least another year, so everyone will have to cop it!


Collingwood have flown out of the blocks against the Premieship favourites, the Dogs. The Bulldogs appeared to have a minor premiership/NAB cup hangover, and could'nt overtake the rampant Pies. Thanks for stuffing up our tips again Collingwood.

The Saints may have won on the scoreboard, but at what cost. Two of their big guns Koshitzke and Dawson are up on serious charges for rough conduct. Dawson may plead going for the ball, even though the contact was late. Koshitzke might as well pack his suit cases for Hawaii cause we won't be seing him on field for at least 4 weeks....And all the yanks say; 'wheres his helmet???????'Brisbanes twin mac trucks Fevola and Brown are destroying the lives of everyone in their paths. Hopefully they cross paths this weekend and save us all the trouble. Steve Johono Johnson had goal of the year rapped up for the Cats in round one with his Gary Ablettesc goal running towards the boundary line. Then Fev dribbles one in from the Boundary line.

And what is going on in the world when Freo are not only winning, but thrashing one of the top sides Adelaide???? Is it finally safe to tip them again???....Sitting second on the ladder everyone is wondering if they are for real, or if taking a picture might last longer.

F1....The curious case of Jenson Button continues with his second Melbourne GP win in a row! Mark Webber was well placed starting in second, but the race went from bad to worse after coliding with burnout boy Lewis Hamilton. Lewis was so happy with his practice session times on Friday he thought he'd entertain melbourne with some more pollution. Some say it's harmless, some say throw the book at him, most say Lewis is finally AWESOME. The only person he was really hurting was himself, he could've passed out from exhauxst poisoning. But has anyone ever really experienced death by burnout???

Race leader Vettel spun off the track, leaving us to wonder what could have been for Mark if he had just calmed the F&%k down! He survived the first corner carnage with Kobayashi and Alonso knocking M-Shu off the track... We talk to F1 expert Joe Saward about what this season might hold for the new teams and the comeback drivers.

NRL...Mighty St George are on top of the ladder again, much like last year. But we will try not to get too excited until the end of the year, as that is where it all seems to fall apart for the Dragons...Oh who cares yipee Kya we's on top!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Roosters where on top but after a thrashing from the Bulldogs, they have been relegated to 6th.

The Storm charge on with a good win ove rthe Panthers 16-10 and head into 3rd place. But salary cap issues plague the league. Newcastle have the cash to Pinch Johnathon Thurstan, but will the deal go through? The Storm say they play for the love and not the money. But the Gold Coast just can't help themselves, and are in trouble for accepting a free house one of their sponsors have donated.

Cricket...Nathan Hauritz is not appearing on our blog for being a legend. He is appearing for causing the most expensive over in Aussie test history. McDonald breathes a sigh of relief as he steps out of the books.

After a horror first innings the Aussies breathed a sigh of relief as the Black caps had a nightmare innings of their own. Taylor got the fastest Kiwi century and ended up on 138, but what would have been if Mitchel Johnson didn't drop him on 52! Mitch made up for it with 4 for 59, and top figures. He was only outdone by New Zealands Vettori with 4 for 36.

Mumbai are on top of the Indian Premier League table followed by Bangalore and Rajistan. The Night Riders and Dare Devils are playing off for a top spot today.

All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.


Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

BINGLEGATE, is it finally over?

Cricket...After the previous weeks drama, we wern't expecting Clarkey make any runs this weekend, but surprise, surprise, he had a century and a half in him!...Even more surprising was his Century dedication to Bingles after the match! Not only did he thank her, but he said he couldn't have done it without her!..I think he could've made a double century without her.

Clarkey said he read every paper and article that had written about his private life, and hopefully not this blog. But he understands that the media have a job to do, and after deciding to keep everything private, he let it all flow out. According to the picture below, the only thing she was really stopping Clarkey from doing, was growing hair, cause now hes gone, and hes allowed to have some.

Onto more important matters, the Vics have won the Sheffield Shield over bitter rivals Queensland buy a ridiculous margin. It's back to back Shileds for the Vics for the first time in 30 years. We looked gone at 6-75 and recovered well with Wade on 96. We aren't going to play it down WE ARE THE F*&^$#G CHAMPIONS , that is all.

Back in New Zealand, Dougie Bollinger was also doing a fair bit of damage with 7 wickets, now up there with the best averages in history. He meant to kiss the coat of arms on his shirt but accidently kissed the VB logo...but was it really an accident?? Or was he just thirsty. New Zealand barely raised the scorers arms.

If anyone has been to Chillout in Daylesford, they woud've come across the town highlight, a little shop called 'Alpaca passion'. And I think this is as close to Alpaca passion as you can get. He's not a bad athlete, so at least Bingles has another professional sportsman to move onto now:

*This is nuts! you're on your own dude, This coat is worth thousands*

AFL ....The bump is back with avengance, as Colin Sylvia cops a broken Jaw, and the incident is ignored by the AFL Tribunal! It's open season!...Meanwhile the captains have had a meeting to discuss the future of the NAB cup. The verdict is in, scrap it, it's too hard. Well thats what Juddy says anyway and whos gonna argue with him?

Apparently the reason for Barry Hall turning over a new leaf, is due to him being in love. Well thats what we hear from his mum anyway. It started out sounding like an odd affair between the two, but a younger woman has finally tamed the wild beast.

The AFL is making moves to include a womens league at some time in the next decade, with Jeff Kennett trying to undo all the damage he has done in his entire career, by supporting it. But can anything really save his rep. now?

Golf...Hessssssssssssssssss baaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccck! well Jack Nicklaus says we need to suck it up and except that Tiger is a great golfer, and will break his record sooner rather than later. Meanwhile Tiger has finally had his first tell all interview after a long wait. When Tig's was asked, how he plans to repair his life, he said he was going to go back to his old roots. He of course meant that he was going to rely on the support of his friends and family, but we all know what it sounds like.


NRL...It's been back for two weeks and already the Melbourne Storm are on the board for more than one reason. It's not just cause they are winning, it all started with Adam Blair biting the arm of an opposition, and getting away with it mind you. Then Billy Slater is under fire for alledgedly taunting a Newcastle player over his depression. Nobody will tell us what was actually said, so what happens on the field, stays on the field. But when good Billy's go bad, everyone is confused.

Soccer....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....WE HAD IT!....After a pack of Sydeny soccer thugs mugged our Melbourne boy on field, the clouds started to form over Melbourne. It's even more painful to lose when the word 'victory' is in your team name. After 30 mins of extra time it was one all, and the game was forced into a penalty shootout. But Sydney took there chances and finished on 4-2 ,taking the win, and our dignity.

Swimming...Big Jeff Hugel has made a big comeback to qualify for the Com games. The biggest part being the rapid weightloss the big dude underwent to return to Swimming. His stomach was not available for comment....Amon Sullivan has won his event after hip surgery, and Steff Rice is spreading her wings out to take Jess Schippers pet event out in the 100 butterfly. Steff, save some for the rest of us! But yeah, keep winning ;-).

Leisel Jones has banned her mum from going to Delhi due to security concerns. Never mind about about our athletes, just make sure her mum is ok. Last time I checked Leisel was signing autographs at my local Supermarket. Now that shes hit the big time, shes worried she will be a target *rolls eyes*.

All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.


Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

The evolution of BINGLEGATE

Kind of Cricket...After finding out that his fiance sold her nude pictures to womens day, Micahel Clarke hopped on a plane and flew back to Australia, so he could tear his hair out in another Country for a change. Im pretty sure by now Fevs friends would have seen the photo in the magazine anyways. Bingles was seen without a ring late last week, then seen in front of a removal truck. Clarkey had to miss a fair bit of cricket over this, and is now in fear he may have lost his potential captaincy. The pair officaily split shortly after, and are already asking for us to respect their privacy, and all their nude photos, past present and future.

The boys managed to win while Clarkey was away, in game 5. But once we had the series won, we kind of took our foot off the pedal, and lost game 5. Punter played well in game 3 and 4 but took his foot off the pedal for a last game duck.

The Pakistani cricket team are in hot water after fighting within the team during their Aussie tour. Thats what happens when you have too many captains on one team, they all want to tell eachother what to do, and step on eachothers toes. half of them have been suspended, half of them have been fined over 26 grand, half of them are on probation, and half of them wont play international cricket for a while. This does not mathematically add up, but to simplify, they are now to cricket, what Carlton is to the AFL.

The IPL has begun again with Warnies Rajistans going down to Mumbai by 4 runs. And Gillies Decan Chargers are also taking a while to warm up, after going down to the Night Riders by 11 runs. Good news is the Vics have crushed Tasssie in the Shefield Shield and are well on their way to taking the whole damn thing!

AFL...Aww look at Baz, he wouldn't hurt a fly ey?...Of course he wouldn't, someone just put a medal around his neck so he's happy an glimmering away at the sound of his ego inflating further. Nobody would dare not give him man of the match after kicking 100 or so goals. The good news is the Bulldogs have a Premiership, albeit minor, but it's still a cup. Though you wouldn't know it was important to them the way Rodney Eade talked down it's importance during the week. 'It's only the NAB huh ;-)'.

Well the only positive thing to come out of the Matthew Stokes Drug case, is that we now know how he looks in a suit...not too shabby. Apparently the case is weak according to his defence attorneys. Is trafficking really the same as handing something to the person next to you? We will find out in the coming months.

Gary Ablett Gold Coast update. Clothing giant cotton on has been reported to offer Gaz $300,000 to make up for the lack of salary he will get if he stays at Geelong. The AFL are watching though and are ready to punce on any illegal behaviour. So we are still yet to determine if Gaz's heart lies with the beach, or some really nice cotton pants...Hey it's not bad, the only other top story of the weak was Cousins mystery Gastro, which is no longer a mystery.

F1..The first race of the season has been run and won by Ferarris new recruit Alonso. He is now where he feels he belongs. Other confusing new teams include Lotus, Cogsworth (Williams, HRT? and Virgin. Baririchello has jumped on board Cogs. Button has joined Lewis at McLaren, and Kobayashi who is not from the Usual Suspects, has joined BMW Sauber Ferrari. Which is confusing cause a car tends to only need one engine??

After taking pole, Vettels Red Bull became crippled, by cooking the tyres. Webber had some bad luck with the same car. Massa was second, not a bad effort after a serious crash last year, and first race back. Not a bad effort by the SCHU either first race back grabbing 7th!

Soccer...Well Sydney have knocked out Wellington in the A league, but at what Cost?

Sydney FC's marquee signing John Aloisi has been ruled out of Saturday's A-League Grand Final against Melbourne at Etihad Stadium with a hamstring injury. The celebrations were cut short, and New Zealand werent exactly feeling excited either after such a good year. Now they have time to go back to filming the next three installments of Lord of the Rings.

Hockey...Welcome to our blog! and a great way to start as our Aussie men win the Wolrd Cup 2-1 over Germany. Go boys! Steve Hooker has also taken out the World indoor champs of the Pole Vault so all in all it's been a good week. Hopefully he can take out the underground title next time? Seriously, holding it indoors just sounds like an excuse to have another Tournament.

Golf...Our Karrie Webb nearly had two wins in a row, after she took out the Ladies masters last week. She managed a 3rd, and Laura Davies got 2nd. But the real winner was Tseng, the overseas sensation who came out of nowhere to take the title.

Tiger Woods plans to make his return to Golf in the US Masters. But is he welcome? We will find out. If the men don't want him around anymore he might have to just compete with the ladies instead...with a massive handicap!

Basketball..After beating Perth and forcing the series into game 3, Woolongong were on a high. It was short lived after Friday night went down. Perth came back to win the decider 96-72, and take the title. They are the first team to win 5 titles, and

All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.


Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

'Why does it always rain on me?' Fev the musical

AFL.....Oh why does it always rain on me? Is it because I lied when I was 17, 18,19, 20,21,22,23,24,25,26, and 27777777777777777777777777777?????????????????????.
Ah Fev you've done it again...or have you?? Lara bingle is going to sue Fev for releasing a private nude photo of herself in the shower. Fev tells Vossey he's innocent, and they believe him without blinking an eyelid! This shiz is evolving into Hamlet like proportions.

Lara, an upstanding Citizin, has had an affair with a married man, but is calling Fev out for his bad behaviour. Nobody deserves to have photos published without their permission, but Lara doesn't seem to realise that the whole world has already seen her naked, after a nude photo shoot for GQ magazine!

Really just looks like dodgy facial expression??? no big deal ey. Not attractive :-S.

Lara sold the story to Womans day drawing more attention to the photo that she didn't want anyone to see! She has therefore destroyed the law suit she has tried to file against Fev, for distributing the photo's. Nobody is going to believe she doesnt want the photos to be seen when she keeps publishing them for CASH! No wonder Clarkey is embarrassed.

Michael Hurley has almost turmped Fevs bad boy status. After his NAB rising star nomination, Hurls has taken a leaf out of the NRL book after appearing in court to fight assult charges. Hurley thinks he should have a lighter sentence. The Taxi driver he apparently put in a head lock, may beg to differ.

In actual Football news, The Dogs have has a close win over the Power, with big GOOD Barry the star on 4 goals. He even handballed it off when he could've kicked a goal??! Who are you and what have you done with Baz???

The Siants have smashed Freo by an embarrassing margin. Out of respect to the Freo Mourners, we wont mention the score. But there will be an epic final between the Dogs and the Saints, hopefully like their prelim last year.

CRICKET...When good Mitches go bad...AGAIN! Last time it was his mouth, this time Mitchy the kid has headbutted a New Zealand batsman in the helmet!...on their home turf! Riskay stuff for the mild mannered lad. What could drive such a nice boy into such a horrible act?...Maybe the batsman said something about his mother, and how close they really are. Either way Johno's in hot water. Not surprisingly we lost this game, but Mitchy totally turned things around in the next game, taking 4 valuable wickets... All is forgiven :-).



Basketball...Our Bullen Boomers have gone down to the Canberra chicks, but how can we really expect to beat Lauren Jackson!?

In the NBL, the boys have played game one in a best of three. Perth beat Woolongong, and are one win away from winning the Championship. The Gong will be trying to force the series into game three.

Soccer...Things are heating up in the A league as Wellington and Sydney fight for a spot in the Grand final. Can Syd FC protect our pride and hold off the Kiwis? We can only hope so we don't have to listen to their bragging. But it will be good for their tourism over there if they can win. We all know how hard times have fallen on them since Lord of the Rings was filmed. Not a sole has visited since.

All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.


Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.

GOLD GOLD GOLD!....and not so gold!

Winter Olympics.....After all the hype about our Aussie Gold medals, it would seem we would have a good idea about what Golds. This is supposed to be a picture an authentic gold medal from the Vancouver games, and it is, but it looks like a tram has run over it.

This is also real Gold. After all the hype our Lydia Lassila delivered our second Gold medal of these games! Our lil champ landed two great jumps, with one perfect landing, and had to wait for the Chinese girl to jump, and seal her fate. She was great in the air, but couldn't stick the landing and faceplanted. Alyssa Camplin said 'she ate the snow!' creating a new insult for school children all over the world: 'eat snow sucker!'...And so after I almost talked her out fo her Olympic career, Lydia has proven me wrong, and Iv'e never been more happy to be :-). Yay!


This, is definitely not Gold. Two Russian figure skaters who thought they would dress up and pretend to be Aboriginals, and ended up looking like two smiling twats with leaves stuck on them! Nobody around the world could pinpoint the exact tribe they were trying to mimic, and when asked they said 'It was a general Aboriginal routine', whatever that means? Don't think they even know. If other Country's can work out how wrong it is, it must be bad! And why can't you? Whats worse was the judges handed them top marks for their performance, and handed them undue creability. Aboriginal communities have since told the Russians where they can stick their poorly crafted imitation Digeridoo's!

This was definitely more comedy Gold. 5 or 6 of the most experienced 4 man Bobsled teams in the world, capsizesd and overturned on evil corner 13 fo the sliding track. The men became like human pinballs, travelling at a thousand miles an hour. Everyone was ok and all the sledders were patting eachother on the back as a reminder of that special ride they shared. Four dudes, sitting so close together, wearing spandex, sharing a special moment together. Sounds a bit Johny weir right Eddie ;-)

Congratulations goes to Canada, for putting Michael Buble in a mounty outfit in the closing ceremony. They do not get praise for getting William Shatner to talk about making love to canoes, or for talking about writing your name in the snow with your own pee :-s. I was trying to eat lunch guys! Congrats also does not go to Yevgeny Plashenko. He lost the figure skating to an American, and then, when he went to collect his silver medal, stood on the winners podium before standing on the silver podium...bitter much Yev?????....

And last but not least it does not go to speed skater Sven Kramers coach, who instructed his skater to take the wrong lane, losing him the gold medal. When the coach told Sven he was skating in the wrong like, Sven was looking at him in disbelief *YOU TOLD ME TO!* eeek.

Cricket...The Aussies capped off another win against the West Indies in the last 20/20 of our summer. Dave Warner another quick fire 67 was in great form with 7 sixes and 5 fours. The commentators were also in top form with their dirty calls. Bill Lawry was telling us David Warners 'muscles were rippling', as he 'heaved the ball over mid wicket'. And Phill Nicolson was teaching us how fast bowling speeds are a 'pumping hard for a batsman', and that fast bowlers sometimes 'get it up...into the mid 190's'. Minds out of the gutters boys, keep your sexual frustration out of the office please.

Warner also reversed his batting stance while the bowler was coming into bowl. David argued that if bowlers can change their styles, he should be able to change his batting stance, and everyone can adapt to him. Only problem is, theres no time! The fielders can't adjust that quickly. Both he and Michael Clarke couldn't seem to work that out on their own.

The Kiwis are happy cause they won a game that went into overtime against the Aussies in the last 20/20. It was a one man show as Mcullum scored 116 not out and single handedly beat the Aussies. So New Zealand can't really say they beat us ;-). Tait bowled to wides in the super over and the match was gone from our grip.

AFL...Heave ho, the Dockers mean businesss....or do they?...after North Melbourne beat the Premiers last week, everyone thought they mean tbusiness too. Until they lost to Freo this week. The Dockers march on into the semis after the thrilling win, where the lead changed twice in the last 80 seconds! We won't know if they really mean busines until they face off with the big boys in the home and away. Some teams are trying, some are tanking and testing out young players, theis cup is so deceptive. It's like spending a night with David Copperfield!

Other winners include Barry Hall and his big bustling 6 goals for the Bulldogs. But can we take his performance seriously against a bunch of school boys? Well we better cause we don't want to get punched! The Siants held on in a semi thriller against Sydney and Port thrashed West Coast.

The AFL has now introduced free agency, and players can no longer move around freely unless they have served 8 years at their club, and are not in the top ten. The AFL has released a list of players that will be elligible for free agency at the end of 2012, and it's pretty much everyone on your team!...Jeff Kennet has agian voiced his disaproval, saying that the AFL are like a 'bowl of Spaghetti with undefinable ends'. And yes, surprisingly, we still don't understand his point!

Soccer...Wellington play Newcastle and Sydney play Melbourne in two big semi finals next week. We are taking these matches more seriously than Melbourne hearts new logo...but it wouldn't be hard!

Basketball...Woolongong have beaten the Crocs in their final semi final, and have set up a grand final clash with Perth next week. With the McCrocs out the way, its now game McON! for the Gong.

All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.


Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).All that n more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.