I know you are, I said you are, so what am I???

AFL..You're just too good to be true, cant take my eyes offa you..I think thats what Mick is saying, it's hard to tell right? Maybe he's asking one of his players out for a drink on Friday night. Or maybe he's asking Milney out for a drink then with a death stare? Who wouldve thought quarter time could be more interesting than the game? . . Or maybe Mick just said 'yo mamma' and wanted to see if anyone noticed?..Or Maaybe Milney said to Mick Malthouse 'You're old', and then Malthouse said to Milney 'well you're an f'n rapist' and Milney called Collingwood asistant coach Licuria 'a hommo'. Not surprising, as we know captain Saint Nicks views on homosexuals. Either way everyone is in deep poo on this one with fines from 3 to 7.5 grand! Milney also wins the award for most pissweek insult with 'You're old!' Good one genius.

In actual football news Captain homophobic has twanged his hammy, everybody say awww. He might be out for most of the season which is promising for the rest of us. Especially with the Cats in round 13 licking their lips. They promise us the ham is still on the bone, but requires an operation. mmm sounds delicious.

Buzz off Cuzy we've got enough scandals this week. . ok maybe we have room for one more. 4 Richmond players have been suspended for misbehaving at a Sydney hotel Sunday morning. Surprise surprise Ben Cousins was in this fab four. Connors has been suspended for six weeks and Cuzzy and friends are gone for one. But after 3 successive losses for the Tigs over 50 points, they can hardly affor to lose personnel.

Geelong have suffered footballs ultimate embarrassment by losing to Freo. But one wonders what might have happened if the Cats had Scarlett, Milburn, Mooney Ottens, Rooke. Ablett was the only highlight for the losers. The 2 million dollar man was working overtime. Morabito, captain Pavlova and Hall pushed for the Dockers and took advantage of the frazzled Kitties. Freo are second on the ladder and have won 3 in a row, and it's not in an alternate universe!

Melbournre have their first win of the season against the injury ravaged crows. As if things wer'nt going badly enough with 2 losses, now its 3 and half the team is out, including wonder boy Tippet. 5 players down the Crows finished the game without a bench, and lost a game that was previously close. . who cares go DEES!

NRL. . .THe Storm have had their first loss of the season going down to the Titans. It's no wonder the champs are in shock. St George have pinched top spot back after beating the Bronco's. We only hope Alfie didn't get too upset, and got up on a table again in his undies. The Roosters and the Eels continue their falls from grace with a loss each to the Panthers and Raiders. They say Canberra can't win away, the Eels sure proved them wrong. The Panthers grow in awesomeness.

It's no wonder he's pouring himself in water, Greg Ingliss has finally had his day in court, and his girlfriend showed up in support of him. After she appeared last year with a black eye, we wern't sure what story to believe. Did she ask him to hit her out of some twisted turn on? did she just get too much botox? . . neither, she annoyed him so he pushed her. It still doesn't excuse the behaviour, but his girlfriend has accepted responsibility for what happened, freeing the big man to do what he does best on the field.

Buz off Tiger we have enough scandals this week! But I wanna know what you're thinking?, what you're feeling?, and why you don't have a greater range of facial expressions?And how come the piss take of this add, where your mum is beating you with an umbrella is more interesting than the original? . . .It doesnt seem like we need to insult Tiger anymore, as he's taken to insulting himself on the course. After hitting 3 Bogies in 4 holes (no that is not a double entendre), Tiger was heard to say 'Tiger Woods you suck God Damn it!'

Then reported not remembering a thing. Compulsive lier much?. . Our fav role model is back, but he couldn't quite win.

Here is the real winner of the US Masters, Phil Mickelson. After hitting a hot streak of Eagles in the 3rd round, Phils form continued into the last round. Hot on his heels Westwood came close but couldn't pass lucky Phil, who took his 3rd green jacket. It will match his green shirt, and cheeky smile. The Aussies were nowhere to be seen, with Ogilvy leading the way, out of sight.

Moto GP. . Our Casey Stoner takes poll in Qatar under lights. Rosi and Lorenzo followed as usual. But after a silly mistake in the race, he crashed out on the 6th lap. Rosi moved up to 1st and pinched the points. But he didn't look as cool as our man sliding along the ground in mysterious smoke oooh.

Soccer. . . Chelseas Drogba goals in the FA cup semi over Aston Villa. Chelsea win 3 love and head into the finals. They will face the winner of Toenham v Portsmouth. Portsmouth have been relegated on the eve of their semi final. Now thats a confidence booster!

Tennis. . . In the big Querry vs Odesnik showdown it was on. Odesnik is up on drug cheat charges and Querry wasnt impressed. Querry had a Querry when Odesnik served an ace, cause Querry thought it was out. Odesnik told him it was 'good', and Odesnik replied 'I don't need your input buddy'. It wasnt quite as big as Milney and Malthouse, but it caught our attention.

all that and more on the show that goes through more balls than Roger Federer.


Peace out*.



*Disclaimer: The Sports Lounge may contain 2/3 of your daily fibre intake. No this does not mean we will give you the shits. Warning this last paragraph may not be accurate. Conditions apply and portions of this blog have been edited for your discomfort. Spoken by Tan for the Sports Lounge Party Melbourne (say that last sentance really fast).